Gallery

Dis-ease

Summer break in Korea was an interesting time, compared to how my own schooling had operated differently back home. Summer classes had opened and I had been able to select the times and how many students I wanted to work with independently, creating the opportunity for me to spend more time with the group that I had grown so close with. It had now been a few months since our third meeting and my moment with Namjoon; I was on an almost always shirtless basis as the boys frequented the same suite at the same hotel. Despite the members occasionally returning to their own apartments, I had gotten a sense that the hotel was a hub to be together in a place that was safe for them to be who they really were. I had also been granted access to real phone numbers, with a group chat included. 

I'd also been let in on the relationships that had already formed for the members with partners. Jin-hyung had been dating the same girl since pre-debut but had kept things quiet and out of the media for her sanity and his own. Things were going well for them and they were happy, thanks to the media targeting Jin the least in the group regards to dating scandals. Jimin was recently separated from a partner due to scheduling issues but was happy despite the fact. I wondered if this had anything to do with the unique friendship we had formed but didn't look into it too hard. Namjoon, who was but wasn't by formal definition 'my boyfriend' as the other members had told me, had dabbled in dating but hadn't clicked with too many people after his debut, similarly with Hobi and Taehyung. Jungkook didn't talk about dating much but was heavily involved with many projects, so I hadn't gotten to spend too much one on one time with him. 

Awards season however was something everyone had told me about as they ran themselves ragged planning, prepping and attending practices and photo shoots. They had already attended at least two events, including a major red carpet appearance they simply couldn't stop talking about. 

"You don't see it when you watch it on TV but walking that red carpet isn't as easy as it looks! There's so much noise, so many lights, people shoving microphones in your face asking questions. It's rough Y/N." Jungkook told me, sitting in his usual cross legged position as he squished Jin into a tiny portion of the two seater. 

"Yah! You just need to be more confident Kookie! Like me!" Jin argued, using a finger gun he tilted his chin upward with his signature pose. 

"All hail world wide handsome!" I called out, feigning a bow Jin's direction. Jungkook laughed as Jin nodded approvingly. 

"He's right about the questions but! It's hard. If you look away for a second to catch your breath they're telling fans that we're dating some girl we've never even met!" Jin was right, I knew of that. 

I'd seen it happen millions of times by now. Tae had been involved in a scandal during my stay, being seen entering the same studio as a member from a girl group sent the media into a flurry of accusations. He'd told me that he had no idea she was even there, considering he was working independently on a solo track, he'd remained there until late into the night and things were taken out of context. 

I looked at the boys in front of me now, initially it was hard to look past their looks as shallow as it was. But now I couldn't get past how parental Jin could be and how he pursed his lips when he was thinking too hard about something. Tae's boxy grin had become my favorite smile on the planet, with plenty of selfies to prove how wonderfully bright it shined. My camera roll was filled with memories with the group, each and every one more absurd than the next. It sucked to know that things like that happened to them all the time, very rarely were they true either. 

"Kookie, just take your shirt off. You saw how well that shut me up, maybe it'll work for interviewers too?" I winked at the man who'd taken the longest to warm to me as he raised his eyebrows at me. 

"Are you still bringing that up? I didn't even remember that we'd kept you!" That morning was a fond memory at this point, all awkwardness aside. Namjoon joins us, curling up beside us he laughs. 

"He's right, your face was pretty priceless. You were so cute then." He tells me, patting my hair with a grin. 

"And you keep taking my hoodie! Will I ever get it back properly or will it keep going missing?" Jungkook adds, pretending to be bothered he huffs as his eyes roll dramatically. 

"Um, last I checked you still think I'm cute! And the hoodie? You should know not to give a girl your hoodie. It never returns." 

The conversation draws both Hobi and Jimin from the game they were playing as they watch eagerly. They nudge each other with grins the size of dinner plates as they rotate on the floor to watch us. 

"Who says I think you're cute? It's my hoodie!"  Jungkook's comment catches both me and the rest of the audience off guard. Namjoon laughs, ruffling his fluffy black hair he shakes his head. 

"I never said you think I'm cute! But the hoodie stays with me!"

Namjoon however is happy to right the situation as heat rises in Jungkook's face as he realizes his mistake. 

"Oh, I knew that! Whatever. I want to see how we look! The photos should be up....oh." Jungkook's phone is in his hand, but it droops forwards as he looks at an article about the event. His eyes are squinting as though he's actually reading the article but with the passing minutes his eyebrows furrow, I've seen that look before. 

"Spit it out, which one of you looked up from your shoes? Is it like last time where they literally walked in front of you?" I ask, laughing as Kook's expression worsens. It's the same expression he gets when he's losing in a video game or he can't hit a note right the first or second time.

"Joon-hyung, can we talk for a minute?" He says softly, nudging his friend while he holds his phone screen down. 

I can see Hobi and Jimin, their interest is still peaked but not in the same way anymore. They look worried, back and forth between Jungkook and Namjoon, then to me. I look at Jungkook but he's not looking at me, he's looking straight at Namjoon. They're doing the thing where they talk with their eyes again, one of the things I haven't been let in on yet. While his expression is intense and focused on Namjoon, I lean over and grab the phone quickly with a giggle, 

"It can't be that bad Kookie, I bet you look cute anyway so it'll blow ove...." I can't finish whatever it was that I was saying. The photo is cute, and Jungkook looks great, they all do. And so does she right beside Namjoon, not Jungkook. 

'Kim Namjoon's new girlfriend? BTS's RM seen canoodling with America starlet Casey Jade at last nights awards ceremony.' 

"Sources say the pair were seen getting close on the red carpet and taking selfies after the ceremony. Insiders suggest the pair shared a tender moment after BTS won in their division. Fans of the pair are thrilled to see the idol settling down."

"Oh, cool. Actually that reminds me I have a class with Hye-won soon. I'll catch you all later." Jungkook's phone drops onto the couch as fast as I reach the door, waving goodbye without looking at him directly. As I slam the door, despite the protests, I can feel the tears falling as I rush the elevator. 

'Not again.'