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Hold Me Tight

By this point it's been about eight months of bliss hiding away from the world in the BTS hub. It feels more natural than my own apartment and I've finally gotten used to the idea that while the rest of the world may have forgotten about my existence, my existence is now filled with laughs, pranks, movie nights and Jin's cooking on a near daily basis. The bed situation never quite settled, so I have an almost permanent nest on the couch now but things with Namjoon are perfect. I can admire and hope from afar without causing issues and I still get to keep each and every member close to me.

Jimin and Jungkook haven't let up once since Kook's strange change of heart following the conversation with Namjoon but it's become just as normal as the daily harassment from Jimin. I still can't beat Tae or Hobi at their games but versing Jimin puts me in a fifty-fifty position to win so I'm pleased with my progress. Yoongi and Namjoon have been helping with my Korean to the point that they can't talk fast enough to stop me from getting enough to understand the gist of their conversations, much to everyone's dismay. To my dismay however, everything is coming to a definite pause soon, accompanying all the visual changes to my friends now that they're almost ready to head off on tour. 

Tae's hair is now a medium brown but his thick curls survived the transition, while Namjoon's shifted drastically from his silver hair to black, shorter than before he looks matured in a bad boy way, it doesn't make it any easier to stay away that's indefinite. Hobi's alterations are probably the most drastic, with his warm chestnut brown hair being bleached to white. Jimin-ssi, Jin and Suga all have black hair, their minimal changes help with the adjustments to the other members. Jungkook however has short sides with a thick mop of black remaining at the top. I'm thankful they didn't cut too much, considering I'd grown fond of tying his hair up as he and Jimin practiced for the upcoming concerts often for me now. I've been keeping myself busy, working extra hours to allow myself time to adjust. I'd already extended my visa to allow myself more time, but hadn't decided what was going to happen the next time it expired. I could try to stay longer, without them here it would feel so much emptier, or I could return home to my pets and my old life. I felt like my old life was never going to satisfy me again however, no house could feel like home without them here. I couldn't keep living within this world forever but god did I want to. 

"Ya! What's going on? You're quiet again." His eyes are soft, with everything he still managed to notice everything, including the short silences I'd been having as I watched everyone mull around the suite. 

"Joon, it's fine. I'm just thinking about home." I can see a twinge of hurt in his eyes, 

"Do you miss it? Home, I mean." 

I hadn't even thought of it myself, honestly. Since taking on the additional time, an acquaintance from university had moved into my apartment to take care of my pets following the house sitter moving states. They were happy and healthy and I was able to call and facetime with them often, my family had been supportive and were thrilled to see such a positive shift in my attitude towards life. I missed them, sure. But I'd never felt as close to someone as I did with the seven members. I loved the connection I had with each member, with each of their unique qualities it was hard to have a single bad day. 

"Not really, that's what I was thinking about." I replied, a sigh escaping my lips. He shifted, pulling his legs out from under himself he pulled himself out of his seat and joined my in my makeshift nest and pulled me into his shoulder.

"So why do you look upset? Can't you just stay here?" I had asked myself the same thing, but felt without everything that had happened I would probably have already left. I felt too codependent on my friends to stay purely to keep them close. Especially knowing that soon the whole world would be waiting for their arrival. I'd told Joon that night that I wasn't the girl to wait around for him to get home, to be okay with the world constantly propositioning him. Yet here I sat, wishing that I could sit here on this very couch for months, waiting for them to come home. 

"Joon, we both know that I can't sit around and wait for that. You guys are heading off soon, I should probably do that too. I've really grown to love this place, Korea, my job... but can I really live this life forever?" 

"I want you to. I know you can't, and that you've got your own life to live. But I'm sure you could be happy here too. We love you, we'd miss you too much if you left." 

"He's right Y/N, we've all noticed, and we wondered how much longer we could keep you here." 

I hadn't noticed Yoongi as he slipped in behind us, pulling me into a hug from over the couch. His hair was still damp from the showers and he smelt of citrus and mint. I'd long gotten over my crush on Yoongi and appreciated him as a close friend instead. How he held me, with Joon at my side, I could feel pain radiating through my body starting from deep in my chest. 

"I haven't made my mind up yet, but I feel like this still isn't real sometimes. Like, I found you guys and tried to run away from everything, then you found me again. You've brought me into your lives and your homes and now I have to watch you all leave." 

"It sounds like someone really loves us hey?" Another voice laughs from the hallway entrance. 

"Jimin-ssi, tell me, how would I live without you?" He's shirtless, running his hand through his hair as if to tell me I can't live without him. 

"Tell me how you really feel, baby." He jokes, smirking as he saunters over and plops down on the other side of me. 

I can feel Namjoon tense up as Jimin wraps an arm around my shoulders, he takes my chin in his hand and turns me to face him. 

"We can figure something out if you want us to. Maybe we can bring you along? You can be my little assistant. Bring me water, rub my sore shoulders, help me get dressed. It could be fun." Namjoon's arm tenses as he bawls his hand into a fist, I take it in mine knowing I shouldn't. 

"Actually Jimin-ssi.... I already asked about it. I asked how we could bring Y/N with us without her getting caught up in all the drama again." He wanders through the room with his head low, looking at his feet he walks to the fridge and begins to snoop around. 

"You did what?"  My breath hitches. 

'I could stay?'