Gallery

The Truth Untold

I hide in the room as I wait to finally be let out of this hell of my own creation. I'd yet to see any of them face to face but I knew I'd regret not saying goodbye. The morning has arrived, my flight is booked and I'm packed with everything I'd brought, but the memories including polaroids and stolen hoodies remained in a neat pile on the hotel bed. I slowly creep out, to face the music. 

I'm met with sad faces and open arms, I deny them all. "Hey, don't be sad. This was so much fun, I'm just sorry it has to end this way." 

'Lies.' 

I'm dying inside as Taehyung steps forward, tears welling in his eyes. "Do you have to leave?" 

I nod, placing my things down he hugs me, while I keep my hands up he ignores it and holds me tight. I try not to, but I can't keep my eyes from scanning the room. Everyone but Jungkook is here and I'm both grateful and shattered not to see him amongst the members. 

"Please, Y/N. We can't let you leave, not like this." Hobi says, holding back tears he holds his forearm across his face. 

Jimin can't look at me, but Yoongi approaches with no hesitation as he wraps his arms over both me and Taehyung. 

Jin and Namjoon stand together in the background, with Jin holding Namjoon around the shoulders they both stare in silence. 

"I'm sorry, at least when you were Joon's girlfriend you didn't get this much attention. Don't ignore us forever though, okay?"  I laugh, for the first time in at least a week I genuinely laugh. I wish I could believe that this isn't the end, but Yoongi's eyes show that he's as aware as I am that this has to be the end. 

"I have to go... they'll be wanting me to get out of your hair." Taehyung shakes his head against my chest, as Yoongi takes him into his arms I'm freed. 

"I guess this is it... take care of yourselves." 

I take my suitcase, flinging my backpack over one shoulder and a handbag on the other I head for the door. My only regret is not getting to say goodbye to Jungkook, but I know I've done too much damage to be upset that he didn't want to say goodbye. I close the door behind me, headed for the elevator I can't hold the tears back as they drip down my face, hitting my boots I can hear a pitter patter; I've managed to make it sound like a storm, indoors. 

'Ridiculous. I knew it would end like this and yet I'm still crying.' 

But the storm has thunder, before the lightening finally strikes me as I reach out to retrieve the elevator. 

"We're not done." 

'No, no, please not now. I hate this, why did he come?' 

Jungkook forces my hand away from the elevator as he pulls me into him. He holds me close, stokes my hair and I can't fight him. I don't want to. While I had been contemplating my own demise I'd finally realized that while I wished it wasn't the case, I didn't want to leave him. Namjoon was wonderful, but Jungkook and I had something else that I couldn't begin to describe. While Namjoon had felt like home, Jungkook felt both like home and an adventure all at the same time... and I wanted all of it. 

"Stop, please. I can't..." I squeak, trying half-heartedly to push him away. It only prompts him to pull me closer as I feel his own tears drip onto my face. 

"Tell me you don't love me, look at me and tell me and I'll stop. But unless you can convince me that this has all been in my head.... you can't leave." He's ripping my beating heart from my chest, the air in my lungs has long gone and every part of me feels hollow. 

I step back to look at him, I can do this. 

"I...." My mouth hangs open, but nothing else comes out. 

'Fuck.'

"Say it, if you really don't love me just tell me. Then this can be over." He shouts, drawing the attention of the others. I can hear them by the door. I contemplate the fact that they may have figured this would happen, or they might just curious. 

"Kook, I can't. Please, just let me go." I beg, I pull away further, leaning against the wall I know I can't deal with this anymore. 

" And I can't let you leave! Why won't you fight this? We could change everything! I'll tell management to screw the contracts, I won't hide you from the world. Please, just let me try." His voice grows quiet, he twiddles his fingers and spins the rings in circles. 

"Why... why are you doing this to me?" 

I step closer to him, looking down until he's forced to face me. 

"Because I love you Y/N. It's been obvious to everyone but you since the night in the gallery. I let you slip away then, stepped aside for Joon and lost you over what I thought was Yoongi... but that was stupid. None of it matters anymore. Just please, try for me. Or tell me you don't feel the same." 

I'd love to fight this, but I know that's not how the world works. I take a breath and look up to him... "I won't lie to you, but I'm not staying. You need to let me go." 

Pleasure and pain swell up in his eyes as he holds his own head in his hands. I can tell that part of him is still hopeful, but my strong tone conveys that I won't stay for anything. We would spend so much time trying to hide ourselves, it would only bring further misery. I hear the elevator ding, I turn to him one last time as he's now crouched down, running his hands through his hair... I would give anything to take back all the pain. Instead, I shift my things inside and close my eyes. He doesn't stop me this time and it's all finally over. 

My story may have started with Namjoon, but ending things with not only Jungkook but all of the members was the most painful thing I'd done in my entire life. I don't recall getting picked up, but as I walk through the airport to the screaming fans who throw things and hurl abusive comments at me I'm reminded of what I have escaped. They don't know the true pain I've caused their idols, so the balls of paper and nasty signs don't hurt. As I close my eyes on the plane, seeing him knelt down in the hallway hurts more than words can describe.