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Savage Love

The silence is anything but golden as we all sit awkwardly together. Yoongi is looking between myself and Jungkook hoping one of us will speak first but we're both stubborn. 

'Is he embarrassed?'

"Look, you both know I know right?" Yoongi asks, holding back nothing. 

"Yeah." We say in unison, still refusing to look at each other. 

"Well, I'm heading to make another coffee, so talk." 

Yoongi leaves with that, tipping out almost half a coffee into a nearby pot plant. I look around the balcony, as the pretty greenery and the unique wall décor that I swear Namjoon must have selected himself. Anything to not look to Jungkook who remains silent, his head resting in his hands. 

"Look, if you changed your mind and you regret it just tell me. I won't say a word to anyone." 

I'm shocked, my head whirls around to look at him. He seems, hurt? I recalled him saying something about regretting it after we'd heard someone come in, but I hadn't considered that he might still be worried. 

"I thought you did! You wouldn't look at me this morning. Hook-ups can be awkward but that was something else this morning Kook!" 

Thankfully, with everyone hung over Jimin had been quiet too so everything had gone unnoticed. To everyone but Yoongi, apparently. I was kind of mad, thinking that he'd been so sweet and reassuring the night before and had completely 180'd me this morning. 

"How could I? Why would I ever? Look, what are we going to say before he comes out." He's stumbling on his words, he's flustered. 

"Right now? It was a fun night and we're not keen on bragging about it all over the apartment. Sound right?" 

He nods, "But, does that mean it was just a one off thing? Or could there be more?" 

I laugh, smirking at him. 

"I'd be open to more. That was, wow." 

He looks as though there's more when Yoongi opens the door, "Ugh. I don't want to hear that. I already heard way too much of that last night!" He whines, pretending to be sick as he sits down across from us. 

"If this is going to be happening more often, Kook needs to talk to Namjoon face to face before someone else figures it out. They think Jungkook is apologizing to you know." 

We both nod our heads, if we're going to keep this up Namjoon needs to hear it from Jungkook himself. He's incredibly smart and would figure something was up with no issue. I'd dare say he'd already suspicious now as it is. Some of the members are sitting inside, on the couches they can't see or hear us but as they wander to and from the kitchen it's easy to sneak a peak at what they think must be the most awkward conversation ever. 

"I mean, he's apologizing to someone who walked in... it's just not to me. We are sorry by the way..." I say, giggling under my hand I tighten my grip over my lips. 

"Oh don't laugh! I'm just glad there was no encore." 

Jungkook bursts into a fit of laughter, flicking his hair back he ties it up effortlessly into a messy half bun. "I mean, we could?" 

Before I can smack his arm Yoongi is on him, flicking his forehead mid laugh. Jungkook doesn't object, his laughs get louder drawing the attention of everyone inside. 

"I'm serious Kook. If you want Namjoon to be okay with whatever this is you need to explain yourself to him. You know he's not entirely over what might have been and this definitely wasn't something he was watching for. He was so worried about Jimin he probably had no idea." 

"I didn't either really, it just happened." I add, as Jungkook sucks in a deep breath. 

"Hey, I'll handle Joon okay? I'll go get him now. You might want to brace yourself if it doesn't go well though." 

Jungkook looks serious, slapping his knees he rises and heads in and calls Namjoon down to the rooms. 

Panic. 

Before I can object, he's disappeared but thankfully it's not into his room. That conversation does not suit the room after last night, Jungkook gets that much at least. Yoongi stays with me as we wait, leaving the door open to listen to if anything goes truly bad. 

"I hope you know what's going on Y/N, because this is a lot right now. Are you even coming with us? What are you and Kook? How do you feel about Joon? There's a lot to unpack." 

I can't reply, because I really don't know myself. He's right, I don't even know if I'm going with them and I've just slept with my sort-of-ex's friend. Yikes. 

The door slams down the hallway and Namjoon comes storming out looking rough. 

"Figure it out faster, here comes Joon."  Yoongi, makes a fast exit as Namjoon switches places with him. 

"We're talking later, Yoongi-hyung." Namjoon says flatly, Yoongi only nods his head before disappearing. 

"Why did it have to be him? Of all people Y/N?" I can see it in his eyes, that won't meet mine, that he's absolutely boiling over with rage. He must feel betrayed, he's red in the face and he's tense sitting beside me. I want to comfort him when I recall how happy he looked last night with that girl on his arm. 

"No. You don't get to be mad at me! You're just mad it wasn't you. When I saw you last night you were having a great time with some other girl and I honestly felt glad. I couldn't do that with you without both of us getting hurt!" I take a deep breath, feeling myself starting to shake. I can't believe he's acting like this. 

"I don't want to ever get close enough for us to hurt each other." I sigh, wiping a tear from my face. I'm torn, I wanted everything with him but I'm not dumb. Love doesn't work like that and to be with him I'd have to change everything. I'd be the hidden girlfriend of an idol adored by millions, I'd have to be understanding with each scandal and picture of Namjoon with a new woman every other month and I knew I couldn't be that. I'd already told him as much. 

"But we could..." He says, quietly whispering to himself he looks at his feet. The anger seems to have been overtaken, he's as torn as I am.

"No, we couldn't. You and I started out as more than what happened last night. Jungkook's never asked for more than what we could give each other. You and I know it's hopeless but you won't admit it to yourself. He knows that it's hopeless and he's okay with being with me in the moment. You know deep down, we can't do that." 

He nods, I can feel the tears welling up and I know that it's time for another break. I stand up before taking another deep breath. 

"I'm sorry that this turned out how it has, but Joon... I don't know how I feel about us anymore. I know what Jungkook and I have and it's easy... we're too complicated and I hope you can understand that. I need some time, but let me know if you can understand all of this so we can move past everything."  The curtain shifts in my peripheral but I take no notice as Joon's response is quick and precise. 

"I can, right now. I know what I want, but I know you can't and that sucks. But if you and Kook are happy doing whatever, just... I don't want to see it okay?" 

"Are you sure?" I'm taken aback, he's quick to get onboard, which hurts a little. But I'm glad that we're able to reach an agreement. 

"Yeah, I'm sure. If you're not going to be with any of us seriously because of what we do I get that. But it's going to take time realizing that that doesn't mean other things. I... I don't think I could have you like that and not want more. I'll get over it, somehow." 

We agree to take time, and I head out without saying goodbye. The guys probably need to talk it out with everyone so we're all in the loop, so I leave and head for what must be a nearly baron apartment to give them time.