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Interlude: Shadow

Chan releases my hand once we're at the elevator and have our room numbers, he's quiet and smiles at his feet as he taps his sneakers against the floor. "Am I going to get in trouble for that? I didn't want you getting swiped by the crowds..." 

I laugh, the idea that the staff were worried about me getting swiped was nice but in compassion, the idea that interacting with me too much was going to result in issues weighted on me. 

"What exactly do people know about me? That I'm some pet of the guys?" 

He shakes his head, contemplating he strokes a strong hand through a thick quaff of black hair. This, this is the kind of guy that I could be interested in. He was strong, gentle and smart from our short conversations and fans wouldn't kill me for spending time with another staff member. I made sure not to stare as he mulled over the best way to proceed with highlighting the current information on who I was. 

"We know that your name is actually Y/N, not Jess. Fake names aren't given to us often so that's something. That you're the girl from the Australian rumors last year and that you've had something going on with them. We aren't sure which, but we know you're closer with them than they're letting on. The group don't snuggle with us so you're special." 

'Shit.' 

"Okay, so you guys think I'm... doing what with them?" 

He smirks, with a low laugh he looks to meet my eyes. 

"Well, to put it bluntly people figure you're at least sleeping with one of them... Maybe Tae?" 

Gross. That was definitely not the situation... or at least it isn't now. But Tae? I loved him but definitely not like that. Any girl would be lucky to sleep with him, hell I wouldn't have been opposed to it six months ago but now? Yikes. 

"I'm not sleeping with any of them. We're friends." 

His smirk grows, he breaths out and laughs louder than before. "Oh, good. That's good to know. I was worried I'd gotten myself into trouble. Maybe we can see each other around then..." 

The elevator stops, and he disembarks as my light remains on. The panel shows there is at least another three floors above us as he turns to smile. "I hope we'll see each other around then, Y/N."

I can feel a blush creeping onto my face as I wave and the door closes. I'd never been this fortunate with men, but didn't plan on getting ahead of myself. Chan was cute, tall and had a wonderful personality but I'd already gotten in over my head before. This wasn't the time to be getting a crush. As the elevator continues to ascend, I'm excited to see the boys and to settle into the new living space. This time, I'd have my own room in the suite and would have my belongings with me. From what I'd been told before nodding off, Yeotan had joined us for the trip which meant endless puppy cuddles and selfies that I'd never be able to post. 

"Let's talk." Jungkook says, speaking as soon as the elevator door opens. The others are nowhere to be seen as I step out into the hallway. He takes my wrist, not my hand, and leads me down the hallway to what appears to be the stairwell. 

"Hey, what's gotten into you? We hardly talk and now you're yanking me around?" I hiss, pulling my wrist away from him. It's a light shade of red, his fingerprints leaving tiny pink marks where he'd gripped me tight. 

"You know what this is about. Seriously Y/N? Two seconds after everything and some other guy is holding your hand? Are you trying to drive me crazy?" 

He seems angry, tongue in cheek he's glaring at me. I'd never seen him like this, he was red in the face and beads of sweat were forming on his forehead. "Kook, he was helping me get inside without the fans seeing me. It was nothing, and none of your business for that matter!" 

"No. It is my business. Joon might have stepped aside and started to play the friend. But you know how he feels. But me? I'm not playing along. I know what I want and you running around with another new boyfriend is really getting on my nerves." 

He's incredibly tense, and his eyes are staring straight into my soul. He's flitting between looking at my face and focusing directly on my eyes as I try desperately to not meet his. He takes my shoulders in his hand and presses me into the wall, hiding us around the corner we're alone. 

"Jungkook! Stop it. You know, you know I can't. I've already given up so much to stay with you all. I don't know how I feel but nothing can happen with you or with Joon. I'm sorry but please, don't make this hard." I try to pull away, to slip out of his grasp to escape but he's incredibly strong and refuses to budge. 

"Prove that you don't feel anything towards me then, convince me that I have no reason to keep trying." I'm unsure how I can accomplish that as I hear someone enter the hallway. 

"Where'd he go? Is he still avoiding Y/N?"  Tae calls out, he must be looking for Jungkook. Jimin responds, 

"Of course he is. They're both idiots." They must know I'm close to arriving and I consider calling out as Jungkook covers my mouth with his hand. A fierce look in his eyes warns me to keep quiet.

"He's in love Jimin-ssi... leave the poor guy alone." The door slams, but Jungkook doesn't release me. 

My eyes are wide, cheeks growing hot I can feel my legs shaking. The last time Jungkook and I had been this close was the last time he'd kissed me, and before that had been the night we'd shared together that overcomplicated everything. He's now the one refusing to look at me, his hyung's words echo in the back of my mind. 

"Prove it. Kiss me once and I'll know." He turns his head, not in the way I was used to though. His expression seemed nervous, he slowly slips his hand from my mouth to rest on my chin as he pulls me to his lips. 

I'm not sure how to play this, he can't know that I have feelings for him at all, regardless of how small. If I refuse to kiss him, he'll think I'm hiding something. Which I am... but if it's like the last time I won't be able to stop. I won't want to stop.

Without a second to think his lips brush mine and it's like the first night all over again. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in close and I respond instinctively by placing a hand onto one of his broad shoulders while the other tangles into his hair. Unlike the first night, there's no hunger to be felt between us. It feels... sad. I want to smile, feeling at home in his arms but the regret seeps into my blood as my heart races. I know this can't be real, I can't keep this up. My brain wants to pull away, but my heart stays there a little while longer. When one of us pulls away, it isn't me. 

"See? You can't lie to me. This means something and I won't back off because you're scared." 

He punches the brick wall beside me, inches from my face he mumbles under his breath before disappearing. I slide down the wall, clutching my knees to my chest I sob.