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Jamais Vu

"They can take me home Namjoon, it's time."

While I may be alone now, I know they're waiting. I'm not sure who but someone knocks again, I'm getting sick of the rapping at my door. This time point, it's, a man who wanders in and ushers me to the lounge area. 

He looks fierce, he's intense and his brows are furrowed as he encourages me to take a seat. It's easy to sit away from everyone as they're all scattered around the room, leaning against blank walls, benches and sitting on the floor looking as uncomfortable as ever. This was the second time management had intervened and I was happy that this would be the last of everything. While I'd always love them, I was ready for this to end. 

"Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?" The man booms, any sense of calm he had previously had was out the wind as his face contorts. The members shuffle awkwardly, and as expected Suga is the one to begin. 

"The images have been taken far out of context. But it was my mistake. We knew it was risky to bring Y/N with us, but we've really put her in danger now that they know who she is." 

"You're not wrong! This girl has become one of the most hated non-celebrities in the world over night and it's thanks to the incompetence of the seven of you! You're all to blame for this mess! And YOU TWO." He's almost screaming now with his face turning bright red, my heart pounds in my chest as I shift my body. I need to be ready to run, despite having no plan. 

No-one says anything, it's unclear which two he's referring two but I've already assumed who's the next target as he continues his war path. 

"THE SAME GIRL! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! AND YOU HIT A MEMBER FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Namjoon hangs his head, while Jungkook continues to stare at his palms in his lap. 

I can see Taehyung and Hobi huddled together on the couch, while it's not in their traditionally cuddly manner it's clear they're as terrified as I am. Jin sits still, staring silently I wonder what's going through his mind. The man turns to his final victim and I'm surprised as his anger isn't directed at me. 

"Finally... why on Earth would you ENCOURAGE ALL OF THIS? Are you all a bunch of teenagers again?! We have worked so hard to build you up and this is the thanks we get? OVER A GIRL?!" 

Jimin winces, and I feel a pang of regret knowing that Jimin's genuine concern for his friends has created a target on his back too. 

'I'm the girl... time to get this over with.' 

"Excuse me? If I could just say something..." I trail off as he slowly turns to face me, like a raging bull to a red flag he storms over. While I'm sat on a tall stool, the man is directly in my face as he huffs. 

"What?" 

They all look to me, surprised to see I'd managed to find my voice amongst the screaming. I was surprised too, as the words slowly began to tumble out the man leant back slightly, to my relief. 

"I'll be leaving as soon as I can get a flight out. I'll deal with the media and whatever else independently. BTS and the management team can forget about everything and I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused." 

The man looks stunned, but the moment doesn't last, "We'll fund everything. Your silence is apart of the contract but we'll help to manage the backlash where possible. I'll have Chan arrange your flight home now." 

I give the man a small smile, bowing low. There's no fixing this and I want no part in it anymore. I make my way to my room as I try to block out the sounds of the others objecting. The only voices I can't hear amongst the crowd are Jungkook's and Namjoon's. I lock the door to the room, ignoring the sounds of those who approach and knock at the room. Sometimes, it's clear by the voices calling who's here, but others remain silent. I wonder if they're trying to see if there's someone I'll open up to but they're wrong. I decide that I'll try to put everything behind me, returning to admiring the group from afar. 

Finally, a sense of peace sweeps over me as the knocking stops. Details soon arrive of my pending flight, two days from now. It's longer than I had thought, but I imagine with the busy schedule being put back a day due to the drama they're doing what they can to get rid of me as quickly as they can. 

I spend the night with headphones in as the knocking returns. My playlist, the one from home, still has their songs hidden in the long list and hearing their voices makes me weep but I remember that this will all be a memory eventually. I had actual problems to deal with, like the angry fans and paparazzi that would circle me for who knows how long. One by one, the members call me, sending a flurry of texts begging me to come and talk to them. I block and delete each member as the calls ring in as my heart breaks with each name. The knocking, ringing, texts; they end finally around 1am. I look at my lock screen as the feelings bubble up inside again. I'd not been able to stop crying, but the second I think I have peace it all boils over again. 

I see the image of the eight of us, we're smiling and crushed in an elevator together and we're all trying to fit in the picture. I'm on Taehyung's back with a huge smile on my face and I can see a loving look in Jungkook's eyes as he watches us. Namjoon and I had been friends at this point, so he's doing a finger heart in the mirror while Jimin and Suga fight over being front and center. Hobi and Jin are either side of me and Taehyung and we all just look.... so happy. 

Being apart from them, I was sure it might kill me. After just a year, I'd fallen head over heels with the bond we'd formed. And after everything, a single photo had managed to shatter everything into dust.