Malli|TK

8

NEVER

"No."

Taehyung's lips parted, no word coming out. How, when Jeongguk's answer was the most unexpected thing.

His eyes shifted to the floor, searching for something that could save him from the thick tension he felt forming. "You're not allowed to say 'no'. You lost," was all he managed to say, feeling like an idiot to have confessed to hate Jeongguk, when the other doesn't reincorporate the feeling, although, maybe, it was better if the older knew. Maybe he leaves him alone from now on.

"I never hated you."

Okay. Wow. If the answer to the last question was unexpected, then what was this respond?

"Not my problem," Taehyung retorted, not admitting at all how the thought about Jeongguk never having hated him made him feel inside. Relieved.

He knows he shouldn't feel like this, because after all, Jeongguk still left him like an abandoned stuff animal.

There's no such as relief he should even think about feeling— not when it concerns Jeongguk.

He had no trust in the ravenette's words anymore. All the promises they made, all the secrets they shared, it was nothing anymore. Comparable to sand on the beach. Nothing but dust that got swallowed up by a wave and swirled through the whole ocean, as if it never even existed.

"It's your turn with the questions." His voice was cold. He wanted to show Jeongguk that no silly words were going to make him cower, fall to his knees and cry his eyes out, even if it happened to be something a part inside of his heart was soaring to do.

It was silent for a few seconds, where Jeongguk's charcoal black eyes pinned Taehyung down, before he spoke up.

"Were you saying the truth? Do you hate me so much?"

"That are two questions—

"And they can be answered with one respond." Just as Jeongguk's eyes could pin Taehyung down earlier, his voice now did the same. This stubborn, determined voice. It was noticeable that the questions were getting more into detail, more into the past and Taehyung was confused and couldn't order his thoughts to find a reason why Jeongguk, after all this time, started to bring it up.

And to his questions— yes, Taehyung hated him. And no, he didn't.

He hated him for what he made him go through, but looking at his face, it was still the same boy who would hold him in his arms when he couldn't sleep at night.

Taehyung didn't know how long he had been staring at Jeongguk, but he quickly averted his gaze when he noticed. "I don't know."

It was a simple answer that could indicate more than anything. On one side, it had this nothingness, this negative side that told you— okay there's a possibility that it's over. He did hate Jeongguk. But on the other side... there was hope.

And Taehyung was stunned to find that hope glistening up in Jeongguk's eyes, quickly telling himself to ignore it and don't get his own hopes up.

Jeongguk smirked. "You're not sure, are you?"

Closing his eyes, a curse running over his lips and his heartbeat increasing, Taehyung found himself nodding. He wished he hadn't though, having shown the vulnerability he tried to hide in front of Jeongguk.

"I'm.. happy to hear that."

He couldn't pinpoint where this conversation was leading to. It was all confusion and mixed feelings that swirled through Taehyung. Jeongguk didn't resemble the boy who he had argued during class earlier that day. He resembled the boy Taehyung used to always find comfort in when he didn't feel well. "What are you trying to do?"

Frustrated and irritated. That's also a way Taehyung felt.

"Just playing a game," Jeongguk answered, that cocky smirk back on his lips. Taehyung only felt more aggravated, more irritated, so he turned his eyes away, training them to his favorite view outside of the classroom. "I'm not playing that game anymore."

"Why do you act like you hate me, when you don't?"

Who gave him the right to ask a question like that?

Taehyung treated his question with silence, not because he couldn't find an answer to it, because in fact, he knows the answer way too good, but because he just didn't want to answer, finding Jeongguk unworthy of it. Why would he get answers, when he never gave Taehyung any?

"You've changed. A lot in fact," Jeongguk suddenly spoke.

"You've seen me everyday ever since you were only four years old and you just noticed?" Taehyung's voice was filled with poison and he deliberately put in the fact that they have grown up together, bitterly reminding Jeongguk on that.

"I mean... we haven't talked a lot over the last year."

Is he serious?

"I wonder why," Taehyung responded, eyes rolling, but Jeongguk not seeing it as he only had view of the back of the blond's head.

"Why do you want to be better than me?"

Can't he just shut up? No, like seriously, he was making all the pain he had caused Taehyung only worse. Literally putting salt into the wound.

"Why can't you just go back to ignoring me? I don't want to talk to you, don't you see that?" Gritted teeth and sharp voice, something Taehyung barely uses unless he means it really serious.

And Jeongguk knows that too.

"You changed, but you're also still the same."

Taehyung took a deep breath, his heart beating in his throat, as he felt an all too familiar sting groping at the back of his eyes. "Oh, yeah, because you know me so well and know everything I've gone through."

Jeongguk was silent after these words left Taehyung and once again, it had Taehyung's heart breaking, the tears rushing to his eyes so fast, he didn't know it was possible. Good that he had an excuse to look away from him.

"I'm..." Jeongguk began again and Taehyung's ears perked up, an emotion exploding inside of him by the small tone in the ravenette's voice.

"so hungry, damn, it's been hours since I ate." The tone was the complete opposite of what Taehyung expected and so was what he was saying.

Hurt.
Pain.

But what was Taehyung expecting anyways? Jeongguk to come back to him? Apologies for everything?

It wouldn't come to that and even if the ravenette would apologize, Taehyung wouldn't be able to accept him, unless he makes up for everything and shows him how genuine he meant it.

He would never let himself go through the same suffer again.

Jeongguk was dodging his questions the same way Taehyung was dodging his and it only indicated that a conversation couldn't be made if both keep up the stubbornness. Not that Taehyung wished to have a conversation with Jeongguk.

"What about we play another game?"

"No."

Author
since it's already light in mornings i started to walk to school again and i got these new shoes and they made my feet bleed, bow they're hurting so much, I can barely walk TT

anywayssss, how are you?