Tween Idle

August 25, 1998

Dear diary,

Sadly I didnt have a wet dream about Matthew shirtless last night. But you will NOT belive what happened today. Im still embarassed about it. So basically I went to gym class (gym SUCKS) and guess who was in it? MATTHEW (Careless Whisper by George Michel plays in my head everytime I see him) This suprised me because he didnt show up to gym yesterday. (May is in it too, but so is Sasha, ew)

We have to wear these stupid and ugly gym clothes which look stupid and ugly on me, but they look HOT AS HELL on Matthew. EVERYTHING looks hot on Matthew. I couldnt stop staring at him during class. We had to do running exercises (which made me sweaty, ew) and he's like the fastest runner in the class (Im a slow runner but not as slow as May, no offence) I couldnt stop staring at his butt, it looked REALLY cute in gym shorts. He's just really hot okay? He was so hot I almost had an ORGANISM at that moment. (I dont really know what that means but the kids at school say it a lot)

But as I was running the most humililating thing hapenned to me. MY FREAKING TISSUES FELL OUT OF MY FREAKING SHIRT WHILE I WAS RUNNING. I didnt even notice until I heard some kids laughing behind me. May who was next to me tapped on my shoulder. When I looked at her she pointed at the ground and I looked down to see the tissues. MY tissues. "ELECTRA STUFFS HER SHIRT" Sasha yelled while laughing. "SHUT UP" I yelled back. I heard Candy Warhol who is Sasha's best friend say "I knew it!"

At this point EVERYONE was laughing including Matthew. YES I SAID INCLUDING MATTHEW. I hope this doesnt ruin my chance with him. May was the only one who didnt laugh becuse she's my BFF and thats what BFFs are for. "Leave her alone you guys are being really mean right now!" she said. No one lisened. I was so embarased that I stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do. Then I began to cry as I picked up my sweaty tissues and ran to the locker room. I could hear the gym teacher (her name is Mrs. Warner) blowing her whistle and yelling at the rest of the class.

As soon as I got to the locker room I sat down and cried. I wanted to die at that very moment. I hoped everyone would forget about it the next day. And then I began to worry. What if they didnt forget? What if I was known as the flat chested girl who stuffs her shirt? FOREVER? What if when they grew up they told their kids about it and then their kids would ask their friends "Have you ever heard of the flat chested girl" Then I heard footsteps. May came in and sat down next to me to check if I was okay. I was not. But I felt better having her around and knowing she was always gonna have my back. We were the only ones in there so I decided to tell her about my new crush. "May I think I have a new crush" I said. "Who is it?" she said. "Promise you wont tell anyone?" I said. "I'll take it to the grave" she said. And so I told her who it was and she seemed upset or something (maybe she has a crush on Matthew too but she's a good friend so she wont steal him from me or anything)

Then Sasha and her friends walked in. They were laughing and whispering about me. Then Sasha yelled "Your dad has bigger tits than you!" "MY DAD LEFT WHEN I WAS YOUNG" I yelled back. "I would too" said Sasha as she and her friends laughed even louder. May turned to me and said "Do you want me to say something to them" I told her "No I got this" then I stood up and yelled at Sasha. "YOU KNOW WHAT SASHA? YOURE A WHORE AND THATS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU" I dont really know what whore means but its a fun word to say. Sasha looked at me weird and then walked away laughing with her friends. I got her good.

After school, a boy from my gym class came up to me and said "What are you wearing a bra for? Your heart?" cuse I had my bra strap out. He and his friends laughed. "What are you wearing boxers for? Your microscopic dick?" I yelled angrily as I stormed off. I could hear one of his friends going "OH SH*T MAN, SHE GOT YOU"

When I got home, I went upstairs to my room and cried. Why cant I have big boobs like the other girls at school? Then I had an idea. What if I manifest? May told me about manifesting and she told me that it actually works. And so I got a piece of paper and a pen and wrote "In the morning when I wake, I'll have boobs so real not fake" a lot of times and then folded it. Then I put it under my pillow. Im going to bed now. When I wake up in the morning I'll tell you if it worked or not.