Tween Idle

September 20, 1998

Dear diary,

Today was a very emotional day. I wore a black shirt and black leggings. Then I turned on my radio to FM 100.9 which is the emo station. The song that played was Say It Aint So by Weezer and I recorded it. I was gonna be listening to it all day. I spent the day sulking and listening to Say It Aint So. While it was playing, I put mascara and eyeliner below my eyes. Then I put the eyeliner on my lips since I didnt have any lipstick. Then I smeared the mascara on my eyes to make it look like I'd been crying. I pretended I was in an emo music video. After that I decided to write an emotional poem. Here's the poem.

It almost feels like a joke to play out a part
When you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
You know I'd rather walk alone
Than play a supporting role
If I cant get the starring role

Then I pulled my sketchbook out from under my bed. Instead of drawing something sexy, I was feeling really emotional so I decided to draw something sad. I drew a girl with black emo hair covering her eyes and mascara running down her cheeks. Above her head I wrote "YOUR DRUG IS A HEARTBREAKER" but then suddenly my mom barged in without knocking. "Can you turn down the radio, I can hear it all the way downstairs" she said. "MOM GET OUT IM EMOTIONAL" I yelled. "Whats going on in here?" she asked. "IM EMO NOW, IM GONNA BE EMO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND IF YOU DONT LIKE THEN YOU CAN LEAVE" I yelled. "Electra, this is gonna be the most hormonal time in your life-" she said. But I interuppted her. "ITS NOT A PHASE" I yelled. "I'll leave you alone" she said as she closed the door. "YOU BETTER" I yelled.

Later I cried into my pillow. I punched it and said "F*CK LOVE" as the song was playing. Then suddenly, I heard the phone ring and picked it up. It was May. "Hey how's it going?" she asked. "Im emo now" I said. "What?" she said. "Im emo" I said. "Emo?" she said. "Yeah, for the rest of my life. And I dont wanna talk to anyone right now. See you at school." I said as I hung up the phone. Then my stomach began to hurt so I layed on my bed and cried.

Later that night, I began to feel a wetness in my pants. But I knew it wasnt the white stuff cuse it didnt feel like the white stuff. Nope, it was WAY thicker. Then I began to panic thinking I'd pooped myself. But I was wearing black leggings so I couldnt see if there was a poop stain. And so I ran to the bathroom, pulled down my pants and GUESS FREAKING WHAT??

I. GOT. MY. PERIOD. I was in shock. I didnt know it was gonna come this early. I thought I was gonna get it in like high school. I didnt have any pads, but I wasnt gonna ask my mom for some. Cuse then I'd have to tell her I got my period and she'd be all like "YOURE A WOMAN NOW!!" And so I put some toilet paper in my pants and hoped for the best. But hey, at least it only lasts a few days and then it'll be gone forever. This has been the worst day of my entire life. Tommorow at school Im gonna wear all black to see if people care about me. Im not gonna do any of my work, and Im just gonna sit there and be a emo. I hope someone notices and feels bad for me. Im broken inside.