Tween Idle

September 30, 1998

Dear diary,

Forget about all the other bad days I've had. THIS was the worst day of my life. None of my bad days will ever compare to this one. It all started when May seemed to be ignoring me. Then, I lost my backpack. And when I checked the lost and found, it wasnt there. I didnt have it for the rest of the day.

Then, it happened. The worst moment of my life. When I got to rehearsel (our last rehearsel) I saw Sugar and Matthew with my backpack. I walked up to them. "Hey, you found my backpack-" I said. But I was interuppted by Matthew. "GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME" he yelled angrily. I was in shock. My heart dropped and was beating realy fast. "We went through your backpack" said Sugar. "Writing my name all over your math book? The fake note? MAKING A F*CKING DOLL OUT OF ME AND TAPING A PIECE OF MY HAIR TO IT?" Matthew yelled. "Oh...it was a different Matthew" I said. "I dont wanna hear that 'it was a different Matthew' bullsh*t.' Dont act all f*cking stupid." he said. I stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do. Then I began to cry. "Of course she's crying" said Sugar. "Y-you knew?" I stuttered nervusly. "Of course I knew. I knew the whole time, do you really think Im that f*cking stupid?" he said. "IM SORRY" I cried. "SORRY DOSENT CUT IT. I DONT F*CKING LIKE YOU. JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE ALREADY." he yelled. Then he threw my backpack at me. I stood there for a few seconds, and then I ran out of there crying. "GO F*CK YOURSELF!" I heard Sugar yell. On the way I bumped into Calvin who called me a "psycho bitch." I flipped him off as I was running.

Then I bumped into May. "HE HATES ME NOW" I cried. "I dont wanna hear one more word about Matthew!" she said angrily. "What?" I said confusedly. "Its always about Matthew, its always about what YOU want. Im tired of it. I didnt even wanna be in the stupid play. I didnt even wanna be in that stupid musical number thing. I didnt even wanna do most of the sh*t you made me do. But I did it for YOU!" she said. I stood there silent for a few seconds not knowing what to say. "Im sorry" I said. "And when I tried to vent to you last night, you made it about you and Matthew. No wonder he dosent f*cking like you! And you know what else? I heard him talking sh*t about you a long time ago but I didnt say anything cuse I didnt want you to be upset!" she said. "YOURE LYING" I said angrily. "Of course, cuse that's what you wanna beleve. You live in your own little fantasy world." she said. "NO I DONT" I said. "You know what? Im done. And Im quitting this stupid play. I never even wanted to be in it in the first play. Goodbye." said May. And then she walked away.

First of all, Matthew hates my guts. Then I lose my only friend becuse of my own selfishness. I spent a whole MONTH going after a guy who's taken and hates my guts. May is such a good friend, and I took her for granted. I dont deserve her. I dont deserve anything.