Tween Idle

September 3, 1998

Dear diary,

TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER!! And here's why. Today at lunch Calvin Burns (one of Matthew's friends) walked past me and May's table and yelled "ELECTRA'S PUSSY SMELLS LIKE FISH" as he started laugjing. "AS IF!" I yelled back. "YOUR DICK IS SMALL AND UNCIRCUMCISED" May yelled back at him as he walked away. She dosent usually do stuff like that cuse of how shy she is, but she had to cuse Im her best friend and she'll always have my back. Thats what friends are for. But I was still upset and embarrassed. Tears began to well up in my eyes. "May is that true? Does my pussy really stink?" I asked with tears in my eyes. "No not at all!" she said. Then she hugged me and I began to cry in her chest which left a tear stain on her shirt. WHY IS MATTHEW FRIENDS WITH SUCH A-HOLES??

Then during rehearsel we went over lines. And as I said before I only have one line (which isnt fair at all in my opinion) And that line is "You must follow thy heart" becuse in the scene Matthew is like "God, I know you can hear me. The girl of my dreams is the one my father dosent approve of. God, give me a sign. Anything! What am I to doth?" Then me and the other talking trees take turns saying stuff. If only I were the girl his father didnt approve of. How cool would it be if Matthew and I were star crossed lovers? But all I can do is dream.

Then when I went to go sit down and Sugar began to sing one of her songs, I noticed Matthew was staring at her and smiling. Oh no. This couldnt be! But maybe I was overeacting. Maybe he was just staring at her cuse she sounded good (although she dosent belt her notes like I do) I had to do something to draw his attention away from me. I had to get him to finally notice me (other then the tissue incident of course) I had to make a move. I had to make an inpression. I had to face my fears and put my nervousness aside. It was time. Time to show him how good of a singer I was.

And so while Sugar was singing, I stood up and started singing I will always love you by Whitney Huston. I loudly belted my notes as I sang. Everyone definitely noticed me, cuse they turned around and stared at me. I felt like the main character in a movie, it was like I was a celebrity! But when Matthew turned around to look at me, I froze up. I could feel tears building up in my eyes so I sat down and covered my eyes before anyone could notice. May (who was sitting next to me) clapped and told me I did a good job.

After rehearsel as I was walking out of the building, I saw Matthew and Sugar talking and laughing together. NO. NO NO NO NO NO! THIS COULDNT BE HAPPENING! I hid behind a wall before they could see me. But maybe it didnt mean anything. Maybe they were just friends. But what if it did mean anything? A few minutes later Sugar came up to me. "Next time you try to steal my spotlight, maybe wash your pussy first" she said. And then she walked away. It was true. Calvin was right. I was crying as I walked home. I had to do something about it.

I got home before my mom as usual. I went upstairs to my room, locked the door, grabbed my handheld mirror and sat down on the floor. Then I pulled down my pants and looked at my privite parts in the mirror. WHY DOES IT LOOK SO WEIRD AND UGLY?? It was hairy, and there was a weird flap hanging out and a pink ball. If my doctor asks to see it again, Im just gonna say no cuse Im never showing it to her ever again. Then I grabbed my hello kitty perfume (fun fact Im OBSSESSED with hello kitty and she's the reson I always wear a bow, I even have a hello kitty stuffed animal on my bed) Anyways I took the perfume and sprayed it to get rid of the fish smell, which was a bad idea cuse it BURNED. But hey, at least it wont smell like fish anymore and instead it'll smell like hello kitty!