Tween Idle

September 8, 1998

Dear diary,

I FEEL SO HUMILIATED!! I might as well just run away and never come back. Or I might just kill myself and die. WHY DID I SAY THAT TO HIM? WHY?? MY LIFE IS OVER. But before I get into it Im gonna tell you what happened this morning. I gave my mom the silent treatmant when I was getting ready for school becuse of what happened yesterday. But when I got to school, I saw Matthew wearing the SAME EXACT SHIRT MY MOM BOUGHT ME YESTERDAY. You know what? Maybe that shirt isnt so ugly anymore. I love that shirt! And Im gonna wear it tommorow! Maybe Matthew will notice and forget about what happened today. I still wish I'd bought the Lucky shirt though cause EVERYONE at school was talking about her. And when I say everyone I MEAN EVERYONE.

So basically what happened was during rehearsel, Matthew was doing one of his musical numbers. As I sat back and watched, I was in heaven! I felt like I died and Matthew was a shirtless angel with abs and muscles and he carried me to heaven. He also had a buldge in his pants in the daydream. After rehearsel, I decided to be brave and compliment him. "You did a blow job" I said to him as he walked by with Calvin. He stopped and looked at me weird, and then he and Calvin began to laugh. "Thats gay" Matthew laughed. I was confused. "WHY WOULD IT BE GAY IF ITS A GIRL TELLING YOU" I said. He and Matthew walked away laughing their asses off. I stood there in shock. I complimented him and he had the AUDACITY to laugh at me. But I still love him though. I wish May was there with me, but she had to check out early for a dentist appointment.

After school I got home before my mom and called May. "Jailer residence" she said over the phone. "MAY YOU GOTTA HELP ME" I said. "Are you hurt?" she asked concernedly. "No" I said. "Well then whats the prob?" she said. "So I finaly built up enough courage to compliment Matthew but he just laughed and said my compliment was gay" I said. "Thats just how boys are" she said. Then she paused. "What did you say to him?" she asked. "I told him he did a blow job" I said. May went silent. "WHAT? WHATS WRONG?" I said. "Electra, that word dosent mean what you think it means" she said. "Yeah it does, its slang for telling someone they did a really good job, an 8th grader told me that" I said. May paused again. "Thats...not what it means" she said. I began to panic. "WELL THEN WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" I asked. "Its kinda gross" she said. "I DONT CARE JUST TELL ME" I said. "Its when you put a boy's penis in your mouth" she said. I went silent.

"EWWW THATS DISGUSTING" I said. "I KNOW" said May. I paused again. "THATS WHY MATTHEW LAUGHED, THATS WHY HE SAID MY COMPLIMENT WAS GAY" I said. "Yeah.." she said. "OH MY GOD MAY WHAT AM I GONNA DO, HE PROBABLY THINKS IM WEIRD" I said. "Just explain to him you didnt know what the word meant" she said. "I CANT DO THAT CAUSE THEN HE'LL THINK IM STUPID OR SOMETHING" I said. Then I heard May's mom open the door and say something over the phone. "I have to eat dinner, I'll see you at school tommorow" said May. "See ya" I said.

Then I jumped onto my bed and cried into my pillow. WHY ME? WHY? WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO BE SO UNBEARABLE?? I wanted to die at that moment. But then I had an idea. What if I made a love potion? Then he'd forget what I said and fall in love with me. And so I went downstairs to the computer and looked up how to make a love potion. I found a website that had all the ingredients for a love potion. The first ingredient was a cup of water. And so I poured a cup of water in a jar. The next ingredient was a packet of pink lemonade. And so I went to the pantry to see what we had and poured a strawberry lemonade packet in the jar and mixed it. The next ingredient was a sprinkle of sugar. And so I put in a sprinkle of sugar and mixed it. The final ingredient was a piece of Matthew's DNA. Which means I have to finish the potion at school tommorow and find a way to get a piece of his DNA. Then I'll have to make him drink it. Im so excited I cant sleep!