Tween Idle

September 22, 1998

Dear diary,

I HAD JUST THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! I might as well just like, kill myself and die becuse of how bad it was. Today at school I wore a pink dress that was very tight on me (the last time I wore it is when I was like 10) but tight is good! It shows off your figure more. I wore mary janes and did my makeup. I made sure to look good for Matthew. He has to break up with Sugar eventualy. If I keep dressing like this, eventualy he'll forget about Sugar and catch feelings for me instead. The only bubblegum I could find in my pantry expired last month. I popped one into my mouth and put the rest in my backpack. But it tasted gross so I spit it out when I got to school.

Once I got to school, I made sure to look confident. Guys like confident girls, which is what Sugar is. I walked down the halls confidently like I was the main character in a movie. I imagined myself walking in slow motion with Barbie Girl playing in the background. May was walking with me. She walked awkwardly, but it works cuse usually in movies the main character has an awkward best friend. Then I began to sing Barbie Girl loudly so that people would hear. "IM A BARBIE GIRL IN THE BARBIE WORLD, LIFE IN PLASTIC ITS FANTASTIC" I sang. Then I noticed Sugar and her friends looking at me weird. And so I sang even louder while looking at them. "YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR, UNDRESS ME EVERYWHERE" I sang. "STOP SINGING" Candy yelled. Everyone agreed. I froze in embarrassment. Then tears began to well up in my eyes, so I stormed off to the bathroom. May followed after me. "WHAT IS PEOPLE'S PROBLEM?" I yelled angrily. "Maybe theyre just jelous" said May. "Probably!" I said angrily.

Then during passing period, the most HUMILILATING thing of my life happened. Im still prosessing it. May and I were walking down the halls when suddenly, I heard a few laughs. The laughs got louder. Then suddenly, May turned to me and wispered "Look down" And as soon as I looked down, my heart dropped. THERE WAS BLOOD ALL OVER MY DRESS AND MY BLOODY TISSUES FELL OUT AND WERE ON THE FLOOR. May took off her jacket and tied it around my waist. Tears welled up in my eyes. Then May took my hand and we ran into the bathroom. I burst out into tears. I wanted to die at that moment. "El, Im so sorry" said May. "Its fine" I said. "Wait when did you get your period?" she asked. "Sunday" I told her. "Oh my god if I had a pad I would totally give you one, cuse I havent gotten my period yet and I think its really cool that you got yours, cuse youre like a woman now" she said. "Yeah but like I have cramps and stuff" I said. "Thats true" she said. After that I went down to the office and called my mom to come pick me up.

When we got home my mom gave me a box of pads. I went in the bathroom to put one on. "Sweetie if you told me sooner I wouldve given you pads" she said from outside the door. "Yeah but I didnt want you to be like 'you're a woman now' or whatever. And it only lasts for like a few days and then it goes away forever." I said. My mom went silent. "Um, sweetie" she said. "WHAT?" I said worriedly. "It...dosent go away. It comes once a month." she said. I was in shock. And then I began to cry. "I DONT WANT IT ONCE A MONTH" I cried. "No one does, sweetie. But Eve made the world that way when she ate the fruit." she said. Then she paused. "Electra, your body is changing. Do you wanna know why this is happening?" she asked. "NO" I yelled as I stormed off to my room and slammed the door. Later that night I had realy bad cramps. I punched my pillow and yelled "F*CK YOU EVE" and then cried into it. Now my cramps arent as bad but they still hurt. But I just know theyre gonna come back later and that Im gonna get them everytime I get my period. I HATE MY LIFE!!