Tween Idle

September 1, 1998

Dear diary,

IM A DISGUSTING WHORE! IM A SINNER! NO MAN WILL EVER LOVE ME, AND ITS MY OWN FAULT! I SHOULDVE NEVER TOUCHED MY PRIVITE PARTS! I SHOULDV JUST STAYED PURE AND INNOCENT AND WAITED FOR THE RIGHT MAN! I HATE MY LIFE!

Today after school May asked about the park. I had completely forgot about the park cuse I was thinking about Matthew all day. So I made up another excuse. "You said you could go today" said May. "I know but my mom told me I had to do chores last minute" I said. But she seemed sad as I waved goodbye. Then I began to feel a little guilty. Then when I got home, I took a shower. I got the pee feeling again, and so I sat down in the shower and had an idea. Then I made a big mistake. I decided to stick my finger in my you know what. I hesitated at first cuse I was scared, but then I quickly stuck it all the way in and it hurt. Then I looked down at my crotch. There was blood all over the shower floor. I began to freak out and thought I got my period. But guess what? It wasnt a period.

After my shower, I went downstairs to go on the computer cuse my mom was still at work and she wouldnt see what I was searching up. Then I searched up "is it normal to get my period after putting my finger in my vagina" and scrolled. Then I clicked on an article and read it. What actually happened was I popped the cherry which means I lost my virginity. IM NOT MARRIED! AND LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY BEFORE MARRIGE IS A SIN! Then my eyes began to water as I thought about what might happen if people found out. If May found out, she would stop being friends with me for sure. If my mom found out, she would probably disown me. Im crying right now and Im probably gonna cry myself to sleep. So far 7th grade sucks ARSE!!