September 19, 1998

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Dear diary,

MY HEART IS BROCKEN. I KNEW EXACTLY THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN. I MIGHT AS WELL JUST KILL MYSELF AND DIE. But Im getting ahead of myself. Lets start from the begining. My mom dropped me and May off at the pool party at 6 (we had dinner before) Becky's mom stood by the gate and greeted us. "Hi girls! You can just go through the gate, have fun!" she said. "Thank you" said May. "Thanks" I said.

There were like a bazilion kids there. There were kids on pool floats, kids diving, and a table with snacks which is where we put our bags and towels. Becky and Alexis were tanning in chairs. Becky was wearing a blue two piece and Lisa was wearing a two piece with Louis Vuiton designs on it. Those are realy expensive I think. "There's the butterball bitch that punched me a few days ago" I heard Lisa say to Becky. I flipped her off. I wasnt gonna let her ruin my day. "Ignore her" said May. I looked around for Matthew. Then I spotted him. I couldnt beleve I was seeing him shirtless for the first time. HE LOOKED SO HOT IN JUST HIS SWIM TRUNKS. He and Calvin were fighting with pool noodles. May sat down and dipped her feet in the water. "It actually feels realy nice" she said. But I wasnt gonna get in the pool just yet. Then suddenly, I saw Becky turn on a radio. AND GUESS WHAT SONG PLAYED? LET ME TAKE YOU THERE!! As soon as everyone heard it, they started dancing and singing along. They were getting crunk. May was bobbing her head to the music. AND GUESS WHAT? MATTHEW WAS SINGING ALONG TOO! I began to get excited. MATTHEW KNEW WHO LUCKY STAR WAS! This was my chance to inpress him. "I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG" I said. Then I was getting crunk. I began to do a sexy dance and shake my butt, and May was cheering for me as always.

"You got no ass to shake!" I heard Lisa yell. I ignored her. But then suddenly, I slipped and fell in the water which splashed May. I heard a few kids laughing, even Matthew. When I got up, I tried to play it off by saying "Please excuse my klutziness" WHY DID I SAY THAT? THATS LIKE THE STUPIDEST THING TO SAY. WHO SAYS THAT?? Then another girl who looked like a total nerd (she had glasses and braces) came outside. "WOULD YOU LITTLE SHITS KEEP IT DOWN? IM TRYING TO WATCH BUFFY THE VAMPIRE THLAYER" she yelled with a lisp. "Suck my dick!" Becky yelled back. The nerdy girl rolled her eyes and went back inside. "Sorry about my bitch ass sister Natalie" said Becky.

Then May gave me the look. I knew that look. I turned around and GUESS FREAKING WHAT? Sugar had just arrived. And her pink swimsuit was even sexier than mine! She gave me a weird look, then sat down next to Becky and Lisa. I heard her say "Why is she here?" "Well I invited everyone so" said Becky. May and I sat down at a table (we were the only ones at the table) and ate some doritos. "Sugar better not pull any sh*t" I wispered. "She better not" said May. Then suddenly, Sugar did this flip dive thing into the pool. And honestly as much as I hate her I was inpressed. SHE WAS LIKE IN MIDAIR, HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Everyone cheered and clapped for her, INCLUDING Matthew which made me very jelous. I had to take the attention away from her. And so I got up and yelled "IM GONNA DO A TRICK" Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me. But as I looked down at the water I got a little nervous, so I just stood there for a few seconds. I heard some kid in the pool yell "You gonna do it or not?" And so I took a deep breath and jumped in. I ended up doing a belly flop, A FREAKING BELLY FLOP. AND IT HURT. May still clapped for me like always. When I got back up, I said "I dont know why Im so klutzy today" Everyone laughed at me as I got out of the pool. I WAS SO FREAKING EMBARASSED! Then Becky got in the pool and turned around to face Lisa, who was still tanning on the chair. "You getting in or what?" she yelled. "Hello? I've got a full face dumbass" she said. WHY WOULD SHE EVEN GO TO A POOL PARTY IF SHE'S NOT GONNA SWIM?? AND WHY WAS SHE WEARING A SWIMSUIT? TO SHOW OFF HER BODY?

Later, only a few kids were in the pool. I was standing in the corner of the pool staring at Matthew. May got in and swam over to me. "How much freaking chlorine do they put in this pool?" she said. Then suddenly, Matthew got up and went inside. "I'll be right back" I said to May as I got up and got out of the pool. And when I peeked behind the door, I couldnt believe what I freaking saw. SUGAR AND MATTHEW WERE SITTING ON THE COUCH SINGING TOGETHER. Becky was sitting and listening to them, but Lisa had gone home earlier. And you know what song they were singing. Let me take you there. THATS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE AND MATTHEW'S SONG. I got back in the pool cuse I was cold and swam back over to May, who was sitting on a pool noodle. "They're freaking singing let me take you there together" I said. "Youre joking" she said. "I wish I was" I said. "Maybe it dosent mean anything" said May. Or so we thought.

Then later at like 7:30, me and May stayed so that I could watch Matthew, and maybe even get a chance to talk to him. May and I were sitting at the table eating doritos. Then I had to go to the bathroom so I went inside. Do you know how freaking hard it is to pull your swimsuit back up after going to the bathroom? Once I was done, I saw Natalie sitting on the couch. "There'th people making out upstairth" she said. Oh no. This couldnt be. And so I went upstairs and heard kissing noises. I followed the noises and peeked from behind the bedroom door. And thats when my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Matthew and Sugar were making out. Yup, you read that right. Im still prosessing it. I'll never be able to fully prosess it. Tears welled up in my eyes, and so I ran downstairs and ran back outside. And at that point I was BAWLING. May rushed over to me. "OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED" she said concernedly. "I wanna go home. Now." I sniffled even though the party ended at 8. "Did something happen with Pineapple?" she asked. "Yes" I said. And so we grabbed our stuff. Then May asked Becky's mom if we could use the phone to call my mom to come pick us up.

I've been crying in my room for about an hour. I THOUGHT I HAD A CHANCE WITH HIM. HOW COULD I BE THAT FREAKING STUPID? UGH. Its probably becuse she has double D's. I punched my pillow and my Matthew doll. And then I cried into my pillow. This has been the worst day of my entire life. Im so depressed. I'll never be happy again. Im just so emotional. And you know whats short for emotional? Emo. Which is what Im gonna be for the rest of my life. Yep, thats right. The rest of my life. Im gonna wear all black, wear black eyeliner and lipstick, and listen to emo music. So yeah, Im emo now. Its NOT a phase.

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