Tween Idle

August 30, 1998

Dear diary,

I have a secret that I cant tell anyone (not even May) or they'll think I'm a gross pervert. But what if thats what I am? I dont wanna be a gross pervert. Thats a boy thing cause May always talks about how the boys at school are pervs. And Im not a boy. If I told her, she'd think Im a perv too. Thinking about it makes me feel guilty, I usualy dont keep secrets from her cuse she's my best friend. But there's no way Im telling her about THIS secret.

Lets start from the very beginning. Today after church (which was boring) my mom had to run a few arrends so I went to Blockbuster to see if they had Mulan. May saw it in theaters and told me it was really good. They did have Mulan. But when I was looking around, I saw that there was a movie called Someone Else's Heart. I picked it up and looked at the back and guess what? It was a movie version of the play! I didnt know it had a movie version. And so I put Mulan back and decided to rent Someone Else's Heart instead becuse I only brought money for one movie.

When I got home, I went upstairs to my room, put the VHS in the VHS player and watched the movie. It was actually a really good movie, and a romantic one too. But when it got the kiss scene, I got the pee feeling. But like it was a really strong pee feeling this time. I felt a heartbeat in my...you know what. And guess what I did next? I put my hand in my pants and started rubbing for a minute or two, and then I got to a point where it felt REALLY good for some reason. I dont know how to explain it.

Then suddenly, my mom barged in. SHE DIDNT EVEN FREAKING KNOCK. "GET OUT IM TAKING A NAP" I yelled at her. "It doesnt look like youre taking a nap" she said. "JUST GET OUT" I yelled back. "Stop yelling!" she said. "Can you PLEASE get out" I said. "Better" she said. And then she shut the door and left. Then I began to feel really guilty about what I did. And I still do. Cause youre not supposed to touch your private parts. What if my mom found out? Even worse, what if May found out? What if she thought I was gross and didnt want to be friends anymore? I shouldnt have done what I did. But it felt really good. Maybe I'll do it again, but NO ONE can find out. I just wont tell anyone. It'll be my little secret.