Tween Idle

September 17, 1998

Dear diary,

TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER. I FEEL LIKE MY HEART JUST SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES. WHY ME? WHY?? First of all, I had BO this morning (ew!) and I didnt even know until May told me. She let me borrow her diodorant. Im glad she told me about it sooner than later, but Im still embarrassed.

Then during rehersel was the kiss scene. Matthew and Sugar had to kiss. Im still prosessing it. So basicaly Matthew's line was "If I cant have thee I'll hast nobody else" and Sugar's line was "Thee hast nobody else but me" and then they had to kiss. But they didnt actually kiss when they were rehersing it, until today. "Alright we're gonna do the kiss scene today, dont be nervous its choriography" said Mr. Atwood. I noticed Matthew had a buldge in his pants. He should be getting a buldge in his pants for ME. But maybe it wouldnt be so bad, it was just for the play. Right? And so Matthew and Sugar did their lines and whatever, and then they kissed. "Its just for the play its just for the play its just for the play" I kept wispering to myself, trying to hold back tears. Then I couldnt hold them back anymore, so I ran out of the auditorium.

I cried in the bathroom stall for the rest of rehersel. When rehersel was over, May came in the bathroom to check on me cuse she knows thats where I go to cry. "Im so sorry El, look on the bright side its only for the play!" she said. "I KNOW BUT STILL, THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE ENJOYING IT" I said. "Maybe they werent actually enjoying it, they were just acting" she said. "WHAT IF THEYRE LIKE ACTUALLY DATING OUTSIDE OF THE PLAY, THEY COULD BE HAVING SEX BEHIND MY BACK FOR ALL I KNOW!" I cried. "Arent they like, too young to have sex" said May. "I KNOW BUT STILL" I cried. "Hey you know that girl Becky?" she asked. "Becky Swift?" I asked. "Yeah, she's like realy rich" she said. I know Becky. She's one of the popular girls and one of Sugar's friends, but she's one of the nicer ones. "What about her?" I asked as I came out of the stall. "She's having a pool party Saturday at 6 and everyone's invited, I overheard Matthew say he's gonna be there so do you wanna go?" she said. "Of course Im gonna go if Matthew's there, but if its Becky's party that means Sugar's gonna be there too cuse she's friends with Becky" I said. "Maybe she will maybe she wont, but its up to you" said May. "Hmm, maybe I can wear a sexy swimsuit to distract him from Sugar, so yeah I wanna go" I said. "Then we'll go" said May. So yeah, May and I are going to a pool party. I CANT WAIT!!