"Oh, hello Olive" Angelo cooed as I slowly handed Olive over. She was wide awake, her beautiful brown eyes staring up at Angelo as she lay completely still in his arms. "You're so beautiful, Honey" she held up her hand which he pressed the tip of his finger into. "Are we going to take some photos today? We'll find out if you're photogenic like your mama" I rolled my eyes as the smile remained on my face. "I can't believe she was the little baby kicking around inside you" I softly laughed as I made my way into the kitchen.
"You would if she was being her normal wriggling self."
"She looks like you, Dem" I glanced back at him over my shoulder as he gently bounced Olive.
"Everyone's said that" I glanced briefly down at Olive who I could tell was beginning to fall to sleep. "You want anything to drink?" I grabbed out a glass from the cupboard.
"No, I'm okay" I nodded, pouring myself a glass of water. "Shall we get started then, Little Miss?" I leant back against the counter and took a sip of water.
We kept the photoshoot simple but got some adorable photos. I took some photos with Olive and once Odell got back from the grocery store, he stepped in on a couple too. Odell's favourite photos that we got of Olive were of her wearing a baby sized Los Angeles Rams hat and resting with her arms and head on a football. The hat was given to us from his team along with a mini team jersey with Beckham and Odell's number 3 on the back. I had to try my hardest not to cry.
"She looks so little next to the football" Odell softly laughed as he draped his arm over my shoulder.
"I can't believe she's a week old already" I turned myself to him, wrapping my arms loosely around his waist.
"I love you so much" he combed a strand of hair behind my ear as his eyes glanced down to meet mine.
"I love you too, Angel" the nickname made my lips twitch at the corners. He leant to kiss me and I smiled instantly against his lips. I involuntarily tensed as his hand slid down my back. The way I reacted confused me so much that I pulled myself away from him. "You okay?" he looked concerned.
"Erm, yeah. I-I don't know what just happened" I glanced to Olive, forcing a smile onto my face as I moved to stand beside Angelo who was clicking away with his camera. I couldn't wrap my head around what just happened.
-
As I undressed to climb into the shower, I caught my reflection in the mirror. It's something I've tried to avoid since I had Olive. I still have a sort of bump that makes me look like I could still be pregnant. My breasts are almost double their original size and constantly ache. My hips and waist are no longer how they used to be pre-pregnancy and my ass is just enormous. The sight of my body made me nauseous. I enjoyed my pregnancy body, everything was changing because I was growing Olive, but now it isn't.
I eventually managed to pull my eyes off the mirror and I climbed into the shower. I washed myself off, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. I cringed as my hands ran over my extra body fat and the stretch marks that covered my stomach, ass and thighs. I showered as quickly as I could and I wrapped the towel around myself as I stepped out. I was suddenly disgusted with my own body. I could feel bile rising up my throat as I dried myself off. I hunched over the toilet and vomited, angry with myself for causing all of this. I quickly cleaned everything up, tears pouring down my cheeks, now fearful that Odell would have heard me vomit. I threw on an oversized shirt and a pair of leggings, not caring that it was starting to get warmer outside. I checked my face in the mirror to make sure I didn't look like I'd been crying. I ran a towel through my hair and then stepped out of the restroom. The bedroom was empty which I was thankful for, it means he won't have heard me crying or vomiting. I don't need the questions right now. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I found Odell in the kitchen, softly but terribly singing to Olive. He was singing Nightingale. I leant against the doorway as I watched them, tears lining my lower lid as a light smile formed on my face. Nightingale reminds me of Iona. The song now has so much more meaning than when I wrote it back in 2013. I like to think she's watching over us.
"Look, it's mommy" I jumped as Odell spoke. The smile on my face widened as he gently waved Olive's hand at me.
"Hi Baby. Is daddy singing to you?" I stepped up to them, lightly taking a hold of her tiny hand. "Do you like daddy's singing, Honey?" my lips twitched up into a smirk as I glanced up at Odell who rolled his eyes and he gently laughed.
"I think I sound pretty good" my loud laugh filled the kitchen. "You think so, huh, Olive?" I leant up to kiss his cheek.
"I love you" his eyes met mine and he smiled.
"We love mommy too, don't we, Olive?" I glanced down at Olive who began to whine, turning her face into Odell.
"Are you hungry, Princess?" I lightly caressed her cheek.
"I'm gonna jump in the shower if you wanna feed her" I nodded as I took her from Odell, pressing a kiss to her temple as I cradled her against my chest.
"I think I'm gonna start pumping" Odell's eyebrows raised as he glanced at me while he lowered a mug into the sink. "I want to get her used to bottles. It'll allow you to feed her too" he nodded as he flashed me a light smile.
"Whatever you think, Angel. I'll support you with whatever, you know that" he leant to kiss my forehead. "I'll meet you in bed" I nodded, watching his back as he left. I then focused down on Olive whose whimpers were growing louder.
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