I sat up the instant Dr Henry stepped into the room. I didn't even care that it caused me an inconsiderable amount of pain.
"Is he okay?"
"Am I okay to sit?" I nodded so Dr Henry took a seat on the bed, turning slightly to face me. My Mom slid her hand into mine and gave it a squeeze. Heather has gone to check on Odell after I convinced her too. "Axel is very little, Demi, and I don't think it'll be safe to do the surgery just yet" my heart broke as tears welled up in my eyes. "He's on a little oxygen to help with his breathing, but he already seems to be a little fighter. We're gonna constantly monitor his condition and as soon as we deem him strong enough, we'll do the surgery."
"So-So, he..." I cut myself off, unsure of what I even wanted to ask. I was slightly overwhelmed.
"As long as he continues to improve, we can do the surgery. I want him to become a little stronger, Demi. If we were to do the surgery now, there-there's a chance he wouldn't survive" Mom pressed a soft kiss to my temple as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Axel's more at risk of catching an infection, Demi. He's very little and he's very poorly" I swallowed the lump from my throat. "Having the surgery now could increase that risk of infection" I nodded as it all sunk in. My baby boy can't yet have the surgery he needs to save his life. "If his heart does begin to deteriorate and it's deemed he needs the surgery, we will operate on him as soon as we can."
"Do-Do you know if I can see him?"
"I'll go and speak to your nurse, okay?" I nodded, glancing down at my hands as I played with my fingers. "If you have any questions, Demi. Don't hesitate to ask. I-I understand that it's a lot to take in" he flashed me a light smile as he pushed himself to stand. "We'll be constantly checking on Axel and we'll be in close contact with his team of doctors. We'll let you know of any changes" I nodded, watching as he left the room.
"You okay, Baby?" I glanced to my Mom as she lightly combed her fingers through my hair.
"This is my fault. I-I was stressing about Odell and..."
"No, Demi" she lightly wiped my cheek with her thumb. "This isn't your fault, Baby" my Mom wrapped her arms around me as the tears continued to pour down my cheeks. "Even Dr Henry said that Axel's a little fighter. I'm sure he'll be getting his surgery in no time. He's your son, Demi, he's a little warrior" my lips twitched into a sad sort of smile.
I slowly slid out of bed with help from my Mom just as my nurse, Jade, stepped into the room with a wheelchair.
"Hi Sweetheart. I've come to take you to see Axel."
"Am-Am I okay to use the restroom first?"
"Of course" I forgot how much it burns to pee after having a baby. Everything is so sensitive and painful. It always takes longer than I ever expect it too. I eventually managed to make it back out into my room and I headed to the wheelchair.
"Can-Can my Mom come too?"
"Yeah, of course" I lowered myself into the wheelchair, grabbing my phone off the table. Mom followed behind as I was wheeled towards the NICU. I dialled Odell on FaceTime and instantly smiled as he popped up on my screen.
"Hi Angel."
"Hi, you look tired. Did I wake you?"
"It's okay, Baby. Where you off too?"
"I'm off to see Axel" my lips twitched into a smile in response to his own. "I wish you could come."
"I know, Beautiful. I wish I was there" I glanced up as we came to a stop, my heart pounded as we stood outside the main doors to the NICU. Jade swiped us in and wheeled us through the large room. There were incubators dotted around, the walls were decorated with bright colours and stencils of different cartoons. It made it seem less daunting.
"Axel's in his own room, Demi, so you don't have to worry about anything" Jade wheeled me towards a room that an older nurse was sat just outside. She glanced up from a folder and a smile instantly formed on her face.
"You must be Demi?" I nodded, shaking her hand as she held it out. "I'm Susan. I'm the nurse looking after Axel. Let's get you inside so you can see him" she pushed open the door and I was instantly able to hear the heart monitor that was attached to my little boy. I bit down on my lip as tears forced their way forward. A lump formed in my throat as I was wheeled up to Axel's incubator. He looked so tiny surrounded by blankets and numerous wires and tubes.
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"Hi Handsome" Susan opened one of the little doors in the incubator. I hesitantly slid my hand through the hole, smiling through my tears as I caressed the side of his face with the back of my finger. "Hi Baby Boy. Momma's here" my heart skipped a beat as his eyes fluttered open.
"Welcome to the world, Little Man" my Mom had taken my phone and was holding it so Odell could see Axel.
"Demi, do you have any plans to breastfeed?" I nodded as I glanced to Susan, beginning to caress the back of Axel's hand. "He's a little too poorly at the moment to be removed from the incubator and he's gonna be fed through a tube, so if we get you to pump and then we can feed him" I nodded as tears welled up in my eyes which remained on Axel. "I'm gonna leave you alone with him for a moment. I'll just be outside if you need anything" I flashed Susan a light smile.
"I can't believe how little he is" I caressed the back of his hand that was wrapped around my finger. "He's your double, O" Axel released a single light cry that broke my heart.
"He's got your nose, Angel."
"You're so handsome, Axel. Momma and Dada love you so much. Keep fighting, Little Love."
