Falling for You

Chapter 22 - My Cecilia

Xiao's POV

 I teleported directly to Windrise. Luckily I still remembered the location, well, it's not like that memory is easy to forget.

 I sat down in the grass, leaning against the tree. I let Venti lie down next to me and put his head on my tight so he would be more comfortable.

 Today had been a very nerve-wracking day. Just the feeling of almost losing him was enough to drive me insane, and I didn't understand why.

 We haven't known each other for long, only three months. Though we did spend a lot of time together compared to the time I usually spend with other people, most of it was when we went to kill ruin guards around Mondstadt.

 Still, I couldn't imagine not being able to see his smile every time I showed up at his door, his random teasing, or his sudden hugs.

 Without me being aware of it, Venti had become someone I couldn't miss from my life, and I had no idea what to do with these feelings at all.

 I don't even know why I had agreed to be his friend in the beginning. Never before in my life had I taken the initiative to establish a relationship with someone, let alone someone whose personality is the polar opposite of mine.

 It was all new to me. I had accepted the fact that Venti loved me, though I never answered his feelings, and till now, I had been sure I never would.

 Till now that is.

 The moment I saw him all bloodied up on Dragonspine, I had the urge to destroy it all. It was an urge I was all too familiar with because of my karmic debt, but this time it was different. This time it wasn't the karma messing with my head, this time it was all me.

 When he woke up that time, I had felt a huge wave of relief wash over me, only to be replaced by anxiousness and fear after he passed out again.

 To see him only care about my wellbeing even while he was clearly the one who was hurt. To see him not care about his wound but instead ask about mine. To see him smile even in that situation, knowing that I wasn't hurt. 

 Seeing him like that, broke my heart. Seeing him like that I couldn't help thinking how it was all my fault. Had I not turned away from his call, had I just responded to him when I heard his voice. Had I done any of that, he wouldn't be lying here, hurt in my stead.

 I could barely think. I could barely muster up enough strength to take him to Morax, to take him to the only place I could think of.

 Even when we got there I was a mess. I knew it, and so did Morax, otherwise he wouldn't have resorted to addressing me as Alatus in front of Childe. Even with Morax there, I could barely calm down.

 When I heard him say we only needed an anemo user, I was elated. That was, till he told me I couldn't do it.

 That was the first time I truly despised the karmic debt within me. Till now I had learned to live with it, to live with the pain and the nightmares. I thought it was my fate to live like this after taking so many lives. But at that moment, I wanted nothing more than for it to be gone.

 I was extremely anxious and worried. I was worried enough to just burst into the Jade Chamber, something I had promised Morax I wouldn't do, and I was so anxious that I even missed the teleport by a good distance.

 When he finally woke up I was relieved. It was as if a big rock had been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe again. Before I even knew it myself, I was already holding his hand, and when I finally noticed, I realized I didn't want to let go.

 At that moment I feared that if I let go of his hand he would disappear and I would never see him again. So I held onto him, not letting go, holding his hand as he tightly gripped mine when Morax snapped his wing back in place.

 When he passed out again anxiousness started rising in me once more, but when I felt his soft breath on my shoulder along with his stable heartbeat, I finally calmed down completely, knowing that he would now be okay.

 It was very new to me to feel so many emotions, to feel so worried that I couldn't think clearly. This... was all new to me.

 I suddenly remembered a scene I saw many years ago. The memory was of an old couple I had seen at Wangshu Inn. The husband had asked Verr Goldet for permission to use the kitchen to cook for his wife for their anniversary but ended up burning not only the food but also himself in the process.

 I remember how his wife had scolded him harshly, but beneath all the scolding, even I could feel her worry as he bandaged her husband's hand. In the end, they ended up ordering something instead of eating the burned food. They sat down on the ground on the upstairs balcony, very close to where I had been sitting.

 The wife helped her husband eat so he didn't need to use his burned hand, scolding him some more while she was at it. The husband, however, just smiled, looking lovingly at her even as he was scolded. They ended up staying there till the sun went down, watching the sunset together.

 I never moved while they were there. I knew I could probably slip away without them noticing, but for some reason, I didn't want to risk interrupting them. So I stayed. I stayed watching them laugh and argue, before laughing again. I didn't fully understand what it was that they were feeling, but it was peaceful. Peaceful enough to make me stay up there long after they left, relishing in the peace they left behind.

 Sitting here now with everything that happened today, I think I can kind of understand the worry she had felt when the one she loved was hurt. Though I can't understand all they had felt back then, nor can I understand my own feelings right now, I know that I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to see him hurt.

 I just want to see him smile like he always does. I want to see his smile that is as bright as the sun. Just like he wished for Mondstadt to be free, I want him to feel that too. I want to allow him to wander around without worrying about the nation he left behind. I want him to stay happy, so his smile would never fade.

 Maybe this is what humans call love, maybe this is what Morax feels when he's with Childe, maybe this is what Venti feels for me.

 I don't know, I honestly don't. Never before have I experienced something like this in my fairly long life.

 But, I think I'm happy like this, with him lying next to me, this peaceful night for just the two of us. I'm happy, for once in my life, I admit that I'm happy.

 I looked down at him. He was sleeping peacefully, his breathing finally calm after this nerve-wracking day.

 When I looked closer, I found that he was holding onto my sleeve with seemingly no intention of letting go. I tried moving, only to earn a disapproving grunt from him as he pulled my hand closer. For a second, I thought he was awake, but when looked again, his eyes were still closed tightly.

 Even with him like this, in the end, I decided to move, lying down next to him. Feeling me move he let out a grunt once again, pulling on my sleeve, as he pouted in his sleep. When I was finally lying down, I pulled him closer into a hug. That moment he stopped pouting, his pout turning into a satisfied smile as he buried his head in my shoulder.

 I looked at him lying like this and I was reminded of a similar scene at our second meeting on Starsnach Cliff. Back then, it was him who had pulled me into a hug, but this time, it was my decision. That time it was his show of his feelings, but this time, it is mine.

 "Sleep well, my cecilia." I muttered, planting a small kiss on his forehead, as I fell asleep surrounded by the smell of wind and cecilias that could only belong to him.