you love men in pain ✔

epilogue

3 years later-

     "Y/n you can't act like a bitch , not now atleast. It's your dad's funeral show some respect towards him and show some emotions too" Lauren said to me as she made my hair.

     "Lauren, I respect whatever you said but somehow I'm not able to feel sad that I lost him and I'm not ready to fake some stupid emotions that I didn't even feel in the first place" it's true.

My dad died yesterday, because he got high on some drugs which were not good for him . Especially because he was already too weak as his kidneys were already damaged because of diabetes and today here I am acting like a bitch and not crying at his funeral.

Now I'll be honest I really don't feel sad I'm more of a like- I don't know I can't explain this feeling it's hard. But, just know I'm happy that he's not around me to break me again.

     "Whatever but atleast say something when it's your turn to deliver your dad's eulogy ."

     "I'll try" I said almost giving up.

     "Come on, now let's go" she said as she made me stand by pulling my hands.

     "Yeah let's go"
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     "So now we'd call on miss y/n , Mr.l/n's only daughter" as they called my name to come up and deliver the eulogy for my dad.

I went onto the stage, with my hands shaking. Probably because I was nervous of the crowd and also because I knew I'd fuck everything up. I took the Mike and adjusted it properly letting out a frustrating sigh.

     "Hello," I said as I let out a small cough "I'm y/n l/n, daughter of the late d/n l/n. As we all stand here and mourn over the loss of my dad I'd thank each and everyone of you for being here"

I spaced out for a second and then realized I'm still on the stage "I'd like to say that I know he wasn't the best father," that's when I realized people were offended by my statement because the look on the crowd's face was like 'she's such a bitch for saying this about her father' but I continued my eulogy as usual . " he was a father , but he never was able to become a dad and being a father and a dad is two different things."

i spaced out again but I didn't realize it but Zac did . It had been 5 whole minutes and i was still standing there without saying anything . He understood that I didn't even had anything to say about my dad anymore in the first place . So, he came up on the stage and helped me leave.

     "Fuck that was so nerve wrecking, Zac" I said as I gulped down the whole water bottle that Zac had just given me.

     "I know, I understood it by the way you were standing " he agreed with my statement.

     "Thank you" I finally admitted.

Zac has been my rock, since a long time now. If he wasn't there to hold me I would've had been in a hole probably hiding my face because of my fucked up past.

     "You don't have to say that" he said as his cheeks started turning red. Zac is my friend but we do face some random awkward moments which makes me uncomfortable sometimes , blame it on our small history.

     "I think I shall leave" I said giving him back the water bottle he had just given me.

     "Do you, um like.. maybe want me to give you a ride to wherever  you're headed?" He asked hesitating.

     "Sure, I'm just headed towards my apartment "

     "Come on then, get inside the car" he said as he unlocked the door for me to sit in.