Fighting Desires

20

Harriets POV

Fuck.
Crap.
Shit.

I kissed Clayton fucking Hendrix!

Why did I kiss him?! I don't like him! I could never like him! So why did I kiss him?!

It was seven am and I was sitting in the library, trying not to fall asleep.

I was up most of the night wondering why the fuck I did that. And I left extra early so I wouldn't have to face Clayton.

But today was a Monday, meaning I had English with him at third period. I'm debating whether or not I should just skip.

Classes start in an hour and a half. I don't know why I left so early since Clayton only ever gets up at ten past eight.

But I can't face him. I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with me first.

What Clayton said to me a few days ago suddenly pops into my head.

'So you keep fighting your desires for me, hoping they'll go away'

Do I desire him? Desire means to want something, so I guess what I should be asking is do I want Clayton?

And when my heart speeds up and my stomach starts to feel weird at the thought of being with Clayton, I guess I knew the answer. And the answer scared me.

Fuck.

                               *****

Avoiding Clayton was a lot more difficult than I remember.

I skipped English and hide in the library during lunch. And then after school, I moved to one of the classrooms and I've been there ever since.

Thank god I brought my phone charger with me.

So yeah, I've had a wonderful day. And I'm going to have to do it all again tomorrow.

It was currently half eleven pm and I was still hiding in the classroom.

Dedication, am I right?

I unlocked the classroom door and I immediately regret living.

All the lights were off. And I mean all. It was pitch black and I could barely see anything.

I'm definitely going to die.

I switch on the torch on my phone and turn off the classroom light. I quickly start walking towards the dorms, looking behind me every five seconds.

Im going to see a demon and they're going to chase after me and...

I start walking even faster, still petrified that I was going to die. I reach the hallway that leads to the stairs and curse.

The hallway leading up to the stairs was long and narrow, and right now it was also dark.

This is how every horror movie starts.

I take a deep breath before literally sprinting down the hall, all while my mind was reminding me that if I scream, no one would hear me.

I finally reach the stairs and let out a breath of relief when I saw some light.

A few minutes later I finally reach the dorm. I slowly open the door as quietly as I can, and let out a sigh of relief when I see Clayton's bed is empty.

I close the door and turn my back to the room as I take off my shoes.

"Surely you must get tired of avoiding me all the time" Clayton suddenly says, causing me to jump. I turn around and see him leaning against the bathroom door frame. Shirtless.

Oh fuck.

"I'm not avoiding you, I had plans with Quinn-"

"Quinn went out to meet her parents for dinner" He interrupt and I freeze.

The one time Quinn has plans.

"I would walk over to my bed, but I don't want to freak you out and cause you to avoid me for the next week," Clayton says as he glares at me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap causing him to scoff. "You know exactly what it means" He muttered as he walks to his bed, but I grab his arm stopping him. He turns to look at me and I glare at him.

"I didn't 'freak out' and Im not avoiding you" I argue. "Oh quit lying Harriet" He scoffs.

"I'm not lying" I snap back. "Why are you so pissed off?" I scowl.

"Why do you keep fighting this?" Clayton suddenly yells causing me to freeze from his sudden outburst.

"There is no 'this' !" I shout back, matching his tone. "You are nothing to me but a roommate!" I yell causing him to scoff.

"So then why did you kiss me last night?" He asks. I stay quiet as I try to think of an answer. "I...I don't know.." I stutter as I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Well, neither do I at this point because one minute we're kissing and the next we're back to yelling at each other" Clayton mutters.

"Well, what do you want me to do?!" I yell.

"I want you to tell me why you're fighting this! Tell me why you keep avoiding me!" He yells.

"Because I'm scared, Clayton!" I shout, causing his glare to be replaced with a confused look in a matter of seconds.

I look down at the ground as I take a deep breath.

"Look I know how the whole relationship thing works. It either lasts or it doesn't and I can't get attached to another person just for them to leave me again Clayton, I just can't.."  I mumble, my voice cracking involuntarily at the last part. I look everywhere but his eyes as I start to feel my own fill up with tears.

"I can't think of any reason why I'd willingly leave you Harriet" Clayton whispers as his hand grips the bottom of my chin, lifting my head up so I'm forced to look at him.

"Of course you're going to say that now. But soon you'll get bored of me and-" Im cut off by him placing a finger on my lip.

"I could never get bored of you love" He whispers, honesty written all over his face. Making me want so desperately to believe him.

"I..Clayton how do I know-" "You'll have to just trust me," Clayton says in a soft voice.

"Do you trust me, Harriet?" Clayton asks, and we both know that there's a double meaning to that question.

Do I trust him enough to know he won't leave me after a month or two? No. But do I trust Clayton enough to take the chance? Yes.

"I trust you Clayton" I whisper. I watch as a smile makes its way to Clayton's lips. A genuine smile. And my heart beats faster knowing Im the reason for it.

He pulls my face forward and connects our lips. I immediately kiss back, placing my hands on his chest. His bare chest.

I feel him smile into the kiss before he pulls away and stares at me. After a few seconds of him just staring at me, I laugh. "What?" I smile.

"God you're beautiful" I hear him whisper before he kisses my forehead and buries my head in his chest.

I can't help but feel safe in his arms, and I close my eyes as we just enjoy each other's touch.