𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ³

Jungkook tries calling me many times that night. I realize that I should probably pick up, but I really don't feel like it. I'm far too busy wallowing in self-pity.

| also realize I'm making way to big of a deal over this, but I just can't stop myself. I've been in love with Jungkook since 8th grade.

And now it seems like he doesn't even want to be my friend when he's around Lisa. I understand she's beautiful, but I dont understand what else Jungkook sees in her.

From what I've noticed every time I see them together, she treats him like something she can just use and then throw away. It's always homework this, homework that, can you do it for me Kookie, pretty please? And Jungkook goes along with whatever she wants, because he's nice like that.

I sigh and throw an arm over my eyes. I'm currently lying on my bed, and it's about 2 in the morning, but lI'm still thinking about Jungkook.

I'm thinking about how beautiful his eyes are. I'm thinking about how his voice sounds when he's telling me something he's excited about. I'm thinking about how I want to wrap
him up in my arms and kiss him when he comes to me crying because of something his dad says. I'm thinking about every little thing I love about him, from his dark hair down to his tattoos that his mother hates so much. And then I'm thinking about how he'll never think about me the same way, because he's in love with Lisa. And just like that, I feel myself slipping back into the same depression that I've dug myself into for the past five years, and it's not pretty.

I'm not even sure why I'm depressed. Sure, my family could pay a little more attention to me. My school life could be a little better. I could have more friends.

It could be a lot of things. But I just wish there was something I could do that would stop the onslaught of terrible feelings that come to me now.

Feelings of hate for myself and everything I've ever done, thinking that maybe if I was a little more attractive, or a little more talented, or even a little funnier, Jungkook might like me more.

Because when it comes down to it,
I'm just a worthless, suicidal boy that can't even handle his crush not liking him back.

I mean, I'm suppose to be going off to college next year. Aren't I suppose to be full hopes and dreams about my future?

I'm not suppose to be feeling like l'll never go anywhere, like l'd just be better off dead.

Jungkook doesn't even know about all of this. He only knows that my family doesn't like me much, and that I could be a little happier, but he has no idea just how far it goes. No one knows.

My phone rings, I groan, and
reach over my bed to pick up the phone from the stand. It was Jungkook.

I decide to answer it. It must be important if he's calling at fucking 2 in the morning.

"What?" I answer in a not very nice tone.

"Tae, thank god."

"Don't thank him yet. What are you doing up at this hour?"

"I could ask you the same thing"

"You're the one that called me, so talk."

"What got up your ass?"

I wish you would, I think randomly, and then feel my cheeks heat up.

Where the hell did that come from?

~~~~~~~