𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ¹⁹

It's been a few weeks since Jungkook and I have gotten together. Everything is going perfectly, and it's the happiest I've been in a long time. We're not exactly public with our relationship, but most people can guess. They don't care, though. Thank god our school is open like that. (Except for Jong in, who still hasn't made a move yet. I think he's too scared of Jungkook to do anything)

Currently, it's Wednesday, and Jungkook and I are sitting at the lunch table with our friends. He's holding my hand, our twined hands sitting on his thigh.

"I swear, you guys are so cute I want to barf rainbows," our friend Jimin says through a mouthful of pizza.

"Dude, eat with your mouth shut," Yoongi, another friend, tells him. Jimin sticks his tongue out, chewed up pizza and all, and Yoongi screws his face up in disgust.

I'm blushing from Jimin's comment and try to pull my hand from Jungkook's, embarrassed, but he doesn't let me. I playfully glare at him as he holds my fingers between both his hands now, smirking at me.

"Seriously, guys," Jimin says after
finishing his pizza slice. "Cut it out or I really will barf."

"I'd like to see that, actually," Yoongi says. He runs a hand through his spikey hair and looks dowrn at the uneaten piece of pizza on his plate. "Hey, does
anyone want this pizza? I already had three."

Jungkook looks over at me with a
questioning look in his eyes. "You
haven't eaten yet, Tae. You want it?"

I can tell he's asking more than that, but doesn't want to say it in front of our friends. I look at the pizza, feeling like I should eat but really not wanting to.

Even though I've been doing better, it's still a habit I can't seem to break. After looking at the pizza for a few moments,
I decide that if I eat I'll just end up wanting to throw it back up again. It's one of those days where, even though I only ate a couple pop tarts this morning, I still feel gross.

"I'm not really hungry, actually," I say quietly. Jungkook's eyebrows furrow.

"Tae" he says.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I nod. "I'll eat later, I promise."

He doesn't believe me. Neither of us are paying attention to Yoongi and Jimin at this point. "What have you eaten today?" he asks quietly.

"Not much," I mutter.

He sighs. "Babe, you have to eat more."

"I'm not hungry," I say again, getting slightly annoyed (even though I love the way he called me babe.) I pull my hand from his clasp.

"Tae-"

"Jungkook, just drop it, ok?" I snap, voice growing louder. "I told you I'd eat later."

There's a tense silence as I realize that maybe I shouldn't have gotten so angry. Jungkook just looks at me with hurt in
his eyes, and I glance over to see both Yoongi and Jimin staring at us.

"Uh," Yoongi says slowly. "Everything ok?"

"Sorry." I stare at the table. "I'm just cranky."

"You don't have to eat the pizza if
you're not feeling pizza today..." Yoongi says, not quite understanding what's going on here.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I mutter, abruptly standing up and walking quickly off to the bathrooms.

I find one a ways away from the
cafeteria in hopes that Jungkook doesn't come after me. It's deserted, and I breathe a sigh of relief, finally alone. I stare at myself in the mirror, disgusted by what I see.

Yes, even though I've been doing much better, that doesn't mean I can't have bad days. And this is one of them.

I list every little thing I hate about my body and my face; all the flaws and rolls of fat. I hate the color of my eyes, I hate the way my hair curls, I hate my skin, I hate my teeth, and I hate
how goddamn fat I am. I'm tempted to punch the mirror, just so I don't have to look at my stupid face. I think about the
pop tarts I ate before school, suddenly regretting it.

Before I really think about what I'm doing, I run into the nearest stall. I lean over the toilet and stick two fingers down my throat. It takes a few tries, but eventually I succeed in getting rid of everything in my stomach. I go back to in front of the mirror, eyes watering and body trembling.

I don't want to be like this. I wash my mouth out with water from the faucet, getting rid of the horrid taste. Looking back at my reflection, a few tears well up. I feel better, and I hate that.

I'm startled by Jungkook's voice outside of the bathroom, calling my name. I can't avoid him forever.

"In here," I say, loud enough for him to hear. Jungkook rushes in.

"Thank god," he says in relief, looking me up and down. "I was worried."
I don't make eye contact with him.

"Worried about what? I'm fine."
That universal lie. I'm fine. Jungkook shakes his head, and then surprises me by wrapping me up in a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"I shouldn't be pressuring you into eating. I just want you to take care of yourself."

I hug him back, pressing my face into his shirt and breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten mad, I know you want to help. It's just a bad day."

"I know." He kisses the top of my head.

"And it's okay."

"I love you," I mumble into his shirt.

"I love you too."

"We should get out of the bathroom."

"Yeah." Jungkook pulls away, and he opens the door, holding it open for me.

"Ladies first."

~~~~~~~