𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ³⁵

The next thing I know, I'm surprised by Jungkook's hands on either side of my face. He lifts my face up and stares right into my eyes. "Listen here. This is not your fault, okay? This is both of our faults, and stupid life's fault. We both have problems and we both don't know how to deal with them. I think we should stop apologizing, both of us."

I nod, slowly, looking into his brown eyes. "Okay. You're right."

Then he swallows, visibly. "I just want to say, though, that I will never forgive myself for leaving you there with Jong In. That was the worst thing I've ever done." He smiles a little. "And I've done a lot of bad things."

I lean my forehead against his, feeling his cool skin against my own. "Kook it's ok. I did the same thing, in my own way. You wanted to avoid more pain, so you did something cowardly. So did I. I wanted to take the easy way out. We both made a mistake."

Jungkook's eyes are wide. "So you think it was a mistake? You don't want to do it again?"

I hesitate. "Not right now, no. But I told you, I didn't just have one reason. I'm still tired. I'm still sick of everything"

He lets go of my face, but doesn't lean away. "Tae, I need to ask you something"

"What?" I whisper.

"I just.." He doesn't make eye contact with me. "I want to be with you more then anything, I hope you know that. And I want that to be right now. I know I'll never let you go, but first... I want to ask you if you could maybe get help."

I stare at him. "Get help? What do you mean?"

"For your depression. And whatever the hell else that might be going on in that beautiful head of yours. But I think we both know that things aren't ever going to get better by themselves. Start with telling your parents, maybe? I know it would be awful and might not go down well at all, but I think that with all their faults they still care. And then we can look into a therapist or something."

I'm having a hard time keeping up with him. "Are you saying that we can't be together until I get help? And that I need to tell my parents that I tried to kill myself?" My voice rises a bit.

"No!" Jungkook is quick to reply. "No, that's not what I'm saying, not quite. You don't have to tell your parents about the suicide attempt yet, not if you don't want to. Just think about telling them that you need help. And about being together, I don't want to be that cliché couple that says that things can't work out until things are figured out. I want to be with you, Tae. I want to help you through every little fucked up thing you go through, in every way possible. And I want you to be there for me too. Does that make sense?"

I'm latching on to every word Jungkook is saying. I think I'm even more in love with him, if that's even possible. "Yes. God yes, Kook. I want to be with you more then anything too. And I don't think it makes sense to put that off just because we're fucked up. It's not going to be easy, I have literally no fucking idea how I'm going to tell my parents, but I'm going to try, I promise."

He smiles at me, and the next thing I know, his lips are colliding with mine. We fall back against the soft sand together, limbs tangling together. As we kiss, a random song starts playing through my head.

I don't want this moment to ever end,
Where everything's nothing without you.
I'd wait here forever just to, to see you smile,
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.

Jungkook's hands sneak up to my head, running through the soft hair there. We sigh against each other's lips, and I never want to stop feeling his breath on my skin.

I open my mouth and he deepens the kiss, letting his tongue explore my mouth. I make a little noise of surprise as one of his hands slips down my side to grab onto my waist tightly, pulling me closer.

Through it all, I've made my mistakes.
I stumble and fall, butI mean these words.

We both moan as the kiss becomes even more heated, more passionate. Our hands run over each other's skin. I know his bruises are there, he knows my scars are there. Still, we accept wounds as part of us, something to fight together.

Jungkook and I have a lot to figure out. But I think we can do it together.

I want you to know with everything I won't let this go.
These words are my heart and soul.
I'll hold on to this moment, you know,
As I bleed my heart out to show,
And I won't let go.

I won't let go.

~~~~~~~