𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ²⁸

I do remember picking up the razor and holding it between my fingers, for the last time.

I press it down as hard as I can into the skin of my wrist, watching the blood pour out onto the floor. I drag the blade across, making a long, deep cut all the way up to my elbow. The blood continues to travel over my forearm and drip down, down, down.

It reminds me of a red candle, being burnt to the bottom of the wick. I can imagine the red wax dripping to the floor, just like my blood is now.

I watch it collide with the white floor for a moment, mesmerized, before switching over to the other wrist. The cut isn't as deep on this one, because I can feel the pills taking effect. My stomach churns, my vision becomes blurry, and I'm having trouble standing up right. I take another swig of alcohol, deciding to take a couple more pills, just to be sure.

Just as I grab the bottle again with shaking hands, I hear a door slam downstairs, and a voice calling out my name frantically.

I know that voice. It's Jungkook. Here to do what, though? Save me? It's to late to save me.

I'm tipping my head back again, the bathroom swirling around me, when someone bursts into the bathroom.

"Tae, NO!" I hear Jungkook scream, dim to my ears, and the pills that I'm holding go flying to the floor. I'm not entirely sure what's going on; all I know is that my source of death was just taken from me. There's a moment of awful silence, and then I start screaming, crying, yelling, at Jungkook.

"NO!" I Cry, falling to my knees and trying to save some of the white pills that are rolling on the floor amidst the droplets of blood. "I HAVE TO DIE! LET ME DIE! PLEASE LET ME DIE!"

Jungkook tackles me to the ground, pinning my shoulders to the ground. I try to struggle, but the pills must have taken all my muscles because I'm having trouble moving.

Tear drops land on my face, mingling with my own. On top of me, Jungkook's face in contorted into one of pure agony, he looks just as desperate as I feel. He's staring, horrified at my arms, slippery with blood at this point. He reaches with one hand to grab a towel, then presses against the worse wrist, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Tae, please," he begs. "I can't lose you, please, I can't fucking lose you."

"I just want to die," I try to say, but my words are slurring. Jungkook's face is entirely out of focus; I can't concentrate.

I think he begins to realize what already happened.

"Oh god, Tae." His voice sounds underwater, but I can sense how frantic he is right now. "How many did you take?"

My eyes flutter closed.
"How many did you fucking take?"
Suddenly, I can faintly make out the feeling of being dragged into a bathtub. Freezing cold water falls on me, making it harder to slip away to where I want to be.

Something gets shoved down my throat, and it makes me gag. I try to fight it, but eventually I'm forced into leaning over and throwing up all of the pills in my stomach. I'm sobbing, because no, I don't want to be saved. And I'm still crying as I lean against Jungkook's warm body and black out completely.

~~~~~~~