𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ²²

I stare at them for a while; I'm scared to look at Jungkook. I can feel his eyes on me; he's staring at me.

"I'm sorry," I hear his quiet voice say suddenly.

I look away from the sky to fix my eyes on his face. "Sorry for what?"

He looks at the ground for a moment, and then back at me. "Right now, everything. I have to tell you something."

I step a little closer to him. "Kook, what is it?"

He takes a deep breath, seemingly preparing himself for what's to come.

"We have to break up."

There's an awful silence. With difficulty, I find my voice, as quiet as it is. "What?"

"We have to break up," Jungkook says again. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" My voice cracks terribly; I can't even tell what my emotions are right now.

"Because," he says. "It's not working."
I look his face up and down. It's perfectly still, no trace of any emotion.

"Really?" I ask, voice cracking again. He nods.

I take a step back, away from him. I feel like I should be crying, but no tears come. I can barely feel anything expect for an awful, black void in the pit of my stomach. "It's me, isn't it?" I say. "I'm too fucked up for you?"

He reaches out to me. "Tae, no-"

"THEN WHAT IS IT?" I scream at him, anger suddenly at its peak. "What could it POSSIBLY be?"

"Please Tae, don't"

"Don't what?" My voice is normal now, scarily calm. "You know what Jungkook? I can't believe you. All of this talk of never leaving me, and now you can't take all of this fucked up, apparently. So fine. Leave. I don't need you anyway."

He stares at me, pain lacing his features.

"And let me guess, we can't even be friends?" I ask.

He looks at the ground, giving his head a little shake. Just like I thought. I keep looking at him as my heart breaks even more. I try thinking it through-maybe he doesn't actually want to break up with me, maybe he's being forced. But deep down I know that there's nothing anyone could do to force Jungkook to do anything. Not the Jungkook I know, anyway. If that Jungkook doesn't exist anymore, I don't want him, I try to tell myself. But I know that's not true. I'd want Jungkook no matter what.

"You should go," I tell him, looking everywhere but at his face. I don't want to break down in front of him.

"I'm not leaving you by yourself, Tae-"

"You don't get to care about me anymore, Jungkook," I snap at him.

"You made that decision yourself. So just go, please."

I'm so close to breaking into tears. Jungkook looks at me a little longer, then nods. He turns, picks up his bag, and leaves. I wait until I hear the door to the roof close before I cover my face with my eyes and let out a choked sob. I walk to the edge of the roof and look down, thinking about how easy it would be to just jump off right then and there. Then I wouldn't have to feel this anymore.

It would be wonderful.

Somehow I knew this thing with Jungkook and I wouldn't last. I should have just kept it a friendship between us so I could have him in at least one way.

Should ve known, should ve known, should've known.

Too late now.

I'm still staring at the pavement many stories below me, where I belong. It could all be over now. Fucking weak. I don't want to be that person. I want at least one more thing to go wrong before I end it, just so I can say I tried.

One more chance.

It doesn't matter anyway. Just end it. No. One more chance.

So I take a deep breath and turn away from the edge. I don't want to go to school tomorrow; I don't want to see Jungkook. But I have to try. I don't even know who I'm trying for anymore, but I just know I have to. For myself, maybe. Just to prove I can.

This is the last chance

~~~~~~~