𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ²⁷

The clouds are heavy as I walk to the parking lot. No one follows me to my car, thankfully. I slide into the drivers seat, and take a deep breath before starting the car up, just as a couple droplets of rain all onto the windshield.

With one long, last look at the school where I call hell, for the last time, I back out of the parking lot. I won't be missing this place.

I space out for most of the drive home, listening to the rain thudding on the roof of the car. I'm busy thinking about slit wrists and pills and alcohol to go with it. It's morbid, yes. But I really don't care.

Just as I'm pulling up to my house, my phone's ringtone goes off. I grab the phone from where it rests on the seat next to me, and put it to my ear, not checking to see who it is.

"Taehyung, it's your dad," his deep voice says in my ear, sounding annoyed.

Shit, I shouldn't have picked up. I'm silent for a moment before saying,
"Hey, Dad. I'm about to go to class."

"Well, I just thought I'd let you know. I'm on lunch break and I just checked your grades, and they're not going up like I asked. In fact, they're dropping even more. Care to explain?"

I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's not dread, or anger. More like it's just me really realizing that I'll never be good enough, not even for my own father. You're making the right decision.

"Taehyung, are you there?"

"Yeah." Not for long.
"I've got to go Dad, talk to you later."

This is the second time I've said that; the second time I've lied. Oh well. I hang up on my father, and put the car into park outside of the house.

I wipe away a couple tears that I didn't even realize were rolling down my cheeks and get out the car, slamming it closed behind me. It's pouring rain now, and the water falls on my skin as I rush into the house. I've started sobbing in earnest now.

I didn't want it to come to this.

I'm so lost without you, Jungkook.

Once I reach my room, I throw my bag on the bed and pull a random notebook out from a pile of books and tug a blank sheet of paper out. I find a pencil, then write:

Dear all-
It's not that any of you didn't love me enough. I just could never love myself enough. And for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Taeyong, that I couldn't be a good enough brother to you. Im sorry, Mom and Dad, that I couldn't be a good enough son. Yoongi and Jimin; I wasn't a good enough friend. Jungkook, I still love you. Nothing I could ever write here would help you understand completely but you know what Id say, don't you? I'm sure you all know how this goes, but I'll say it now. I want to be happy. So, goodbye.

I don't leave my name. They'll know who it is. And with that, I retrieve the bottle of vodka that I had stashed under my bed and take it into the bathroom with me.

Then I find the necessary items. The sharpest blade I have. A bottle of sleeping pills.

I set the things on the counter, side by side. I can't help but think that they look beautiful next to each other. I glance up at my reflection in the mirror; at my red, tear filled eyes, and beat up face. My brown hair is an ugly mess as well. Looking at this pathetic excuse for a human, I wonder how people even managed to look at me for so long. Until they didn't want to anymore.

Jungkook's face flashes before me, and I see his eyes as they turned away from my battered body as I laid on the cold ground of the hallway. Was it really to much to ask for him to do something?

Am I really worth that little?

Apparently. No one wants me anymore. No one ever did. I'm alone. We are all alone.

I let out another sob, and with that, I unscrew the top of the bottle of the sleeping pills. I lean my head back and pour as many as I can into my mouth. I pick up the bottle of vodka and open that too, taking a large gulp of it to wash down the pills. Things start to blur after that.

~~~~~~~