𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐒

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ⁸

He claps a hand over his mouth, eyes brimming with even more tears. I can't blame him. The whole of my lower torso looks pretty ghastly, with deep cuts slashed across in random directions, some of them bandaged and steri stripped.

Jungkook doesn't even say anything at first. He just lunges at me and wraps his arms around my neck, burying his face in my neck.

I'm not sure what to do at first, a little surprised by Jungkook's sudden embrace. I thought he was going to yell at me or something. But in the end I slowly wrap my arms around his body, resting my chin on his head. He's crying into my chest, and I feel terrible. He doesn't ask to see my thighs, and I think it's because hedoesn't think about it, or because he really doesn't want to know.

"I'm sorry" I whisper. "I didn't mean for it to come to this."

Jungkook lifts his head and looks at me, tears glistening on his cheeks. "Come to this? What exactly is this, Tae? Why are you hurting yourself?" His voice is full of fervor

I shake my head, not meeting his eyes. "I-I don't know. I just- I just didn't know how else to deal with it. I've just been feeling all these things for a while now, and this Works. It distracts me."

I don't tell him the rest of it. I don't tell him how I enjoy it, how I just can't stop. I love it, in a twisted, sick way. I don't tell him how deep my depression really goes

"But-" Jungkook pauses to take a deep breath. He still hasn't let go of me. "You could have told me, you could have talked to me. Why didn't you? Do you not trust me?"

"No!" I'm quick to reply. "I do trust you. I just didn't want you to know how weak really am. You have enough on your plate without worrying about me."

"Tae," Jungkook says insistently. He touches my cheek with his hand, and I freeze. Why is he touching me like this?
"I'm always worrying about you. I always want to know what's going on with you, and I want to listen to all of your problems. I don't care if you're weak sometimes, because everyone is. And most of all, I just want you to let me care about you. I can't do that if you don't tell me anything"

My heart is beating faster, because Jungkook's face is very close to mine and he's talking to me with such intensity.

"I'm sorry, I whisper again.
Jungkook rests his forehead against mine, and I feel my heart in my throat. "Don't apologize. Just promise-"

"No." I interrupt him. "Please don't make me promise to not cut again. I don't want to make a promise l can't keep."

"I wasn't going to ask you that. I was going to say, can you promise that you'll come to me if it happens again? I won't judge, I swear. I just want to be there for you."

And with those words, I feel myself falling even more in love with this boy. He knows, this is an addiction I won't easily get over. He's not making me promise something that will eventually make me feel guilty and torn up inside, he's just telling me that he'll be there no matter what.

I nod, my nose brushing his a little. "Yeah"
I say. "I promise."

Jungkook bites his lip and smiles at me a little, and then hands me my shirt. I slip it back on, and then he wraps me back up in his arms. We lay down on the bed, and I sigh into Jungkook's chest. These are the kind of moments I live for, curled up against him, not saying anything at all. We just lay there, looking at each other, until we both fall asleep.

~~~~~~~