The Equivalents

52. Scars Part 3.

Bucky sighed. Everything hurt. It was annoying. He was able to walk around a little bit now, but he was still very hurt and just ached all over. He felt like just collapsing in bed and screaming AHHHHHH!!!! for at least an hour, but he didn't. He sat down on the couch in the living room that connected to the kitchen, wanting to get out of his room for a little bit.

Steve came into the kitchen and saw Bucky.

"Hey. You got up. That's good progress. You're not overdoing it though, right?" Steve asked.

"I'm fine." Bucky replied. He sounded about as convincing as you'd think. He was usually better at lying, a lot better, but he just didn't care anymore.

"Buck..."

"Don't. I'm not in the mood right now." Bucky stated.

"In the mood for what?" Steve questioned.

"A Captain America pep talk." Bucky sighed.

"How about one from Steve Rogers?" Steve asked. "I know some things happened..."

"You don't know, Steve." Bucky interrupted.

"Then tell me. I just wanna help you, Buck. Just talk to me. Please." Steve begged.

Bucky sighed. "Everytime I think my life is gonna get better, it just gets worse. We escaped Zemo, just for me to die. I cheated death just to be brainwashed into a killer. I became Captain America just to have my past come back to haunt me. I get pardoned in America just for them to take me back to Russia. Nat saved me from Russia just for me to lose her. I listened to you and came to the compound and joined the Avengers, hoping that I could have a fresh start. But then this happened. There's nothing else for me. I... I can't do this anymore. That's all my life is. Pain. Suffering. Torture. Repeat."

"I'm sorry." Steve sat down next to him. "I'm sorry I can't do more to help. I feel like part of this is my fault. You got dragged into all this because of me."

"Not necessarily." Bucky said. "Even if you weren't Captain America, whoever was would've needed a partner. Chances are they would've picked me anyway. You've always been a good friend to me. Took care of me after my father died and Becca was sent away. You're the only family I have left. You're my brother, Steve. This is not your fault."

"But it's not yours either. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone." Steve replied.

"But I do."

"You don't." Steve stated quickly. "Me, Sam, even Natasha. We're here. You're not alone Bucky. You don't have to feel that way either."

"I know. But it's hard. I don't say this to be mean, but you couldn't understand what this is like." Bucky said.

"You're right. I couldn't." Steve paused. "But Jason might."

"I don't wanna bother him right now." Bucky sighed.

"Just know that if you ever need to talk about it, you can always come to me." Steve smiled.

"I know. It's just not really my thing." Bucky replied.

"It's up to you. I just... it's like you said. I can't understand it. And I've been through a lot myself. I just want to make sure you're ok." Steve said.

"You sound like my father." Bucky smiled slightly. "A long time ago."

"He sounds like he was a good man." Steve replied.

"He was. And I never did anything but let him down. Story of my life." Bucky sighed. "But enough feeling sorry for myself. Do you guys have any leads for those freaks?"

"We're working on it. We have a couple, but we want to make sure they're reliable first. Especially after what happened with Queens." Steve explained. "Once we figure out which ones are actually reliable, we'll go after them. And I promise you can take down Zemo if you want to."

"Take down is one way to describe what I'm gonna do to him." He smirked.

"Take it easy." Steve warned him. "And, I know there's still a lot of things you're not telling me. Things that you probably don't even want to admit to yourself happened. And that you're pretending to be ok when you're not." Steve continued. "Just don't let it harden you."

"I won't." Bucky reassured him. He did want to start getting back to normal though. As normal as being a superhero is. "I need to get off my ass."

"If you wanna train, I know you know if you're ready to get back to it. But take it easy, alright? You're still injured and just because you can walk doesn't mean you can't fight." Steve asked, more of a 'protective of his Bucky' statement.

"Fine." Bucky sighed. "But I can't make any promises."

"I figured you couldn't." Steve laughed. "You want something to drink?"

"Just water." Bucky replied. "Five weeks without normal food and beverages plus an extra week on an IV, gives you a weird taste palette."

Steve walked back into the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a water bottle, and chucked it at Bucky. "Here."

Bucky turned to his left and realized that was a big mistake. Steve didn't get it until the bottle hit him in the head. Why? Because he didn't have a left arm.

"Ow."

"Sorry." Steve tried to look sympathetic instead of bursting out laughing. "I'll talk to Tony about making you a new one."

"Yep." Bucky said as he held the cold water bottle to his face. "That's probably a good idea."