Who You Say I Am (A Jai Courtney Fanfic)

Chapter 99-Jai

Hillsong—'This I Believe (The Creed)'

Jai

I call Mikey Saturday night after I left my folks' place. I ask him how everything's going. He said it's not bad considering.

"What does that mean?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't slept all week."

"What's wrong then?"

"Meg cries all night."

"What?"

"She's not doing well. She's keeping herself ridiculously busy which is good but any down time she has, she cries.  She refuses to even talk about you—the same reaction when anyone broaches the subject."

I sigh and rub my face. "What can I do?"

"Come back to her."

"She doesn't want me."

"Have you opened that Bible I gave you?"

"Honestly, no. But I did bring it with me."

"You should read it. Start with John."

"Alright. I'll try."

"Have you considered going to church. Hillsong is in Sydney, right?"

"Megan mentioned that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, every time one of their songs came on the radio. It was like every five songs."

"Yeah, they have good music. You should go."

"I think I will."

"Oh, and Jai?"

I hum a reply.

"Be open going in and pay attention this time. If you need to, write things down like Meg does. Think of it like school."

"That helps."

We say our goodbyes and hang up. I sigh shakily and rub my face. She's absolutely distraught about me leaving. I wasn't expecting that. She really does love me. That thought is both encouraging and heartbreaking.
I decide to give the church a try. I look it up online to find out there are several in NSW. I pick the closest one and see service is at 10am and 6pm.
I go to the first service wearing my sunnies.  I walk in and it's chockers.  People are everywhere.  They're friendly in greeting.  I enter the sanctuary and stay in the back since it's kind of empty there.  I take my sunnies off at my seat because it's fairly dark in here like at the pictures.  I brought Mikey's Bible and a notebook with a biro.  I overhear some background music before the service starts and it does sound familiar. 
The lights go off at the first song.  It's pretty amazing, like a concert.  There's an entire crew of people on stage.  I write the name of the song down, listening to the words and reading them on the screen.  I feel moved—this is what Megan believes wholeheartedly.  The song itself stirs up something within me, like how I felt back in Jamaica.  I write down a few of the phrases in the song. 
They play a few more and then someone comes out and prays.  The pastor speaks his message.  He starts out with an Old Testament scripture which I write down to look up later.  He speaks about the original Hebrew and Greek writings and I realize the Bible must be old.  Oddly, that thought never really occurred to me but I'd never done this church stuff before.  I think back on my Spartacus series and remember the time frame thinking around there was toward the end, I think, of their book's writings and it hits home how old this religion actually is, yet how modern it's become.  The pastor is interesting—kind of a Bible geek but still a good bloke.  He's different from Ben and Gill for sure. 
He speaks about the past, present, and future of our lives in comparison to the biblical scheme of things—how our individual lives are just a momentary passing.  I nod in that we really are here for a brief time compared to all of history.  He speaks of change and crossing points.  I feel like what he's saying is really speaking to me—what's happening in my life by how much has changed lately and how I am at a crossroad.  He gives several examples within the Bible of similar circumstances.  He speaks about remembering our past and being active in that knowledge—to learn from it and use it as a tool for transformation. 
He speaks specifically about Jesus—his birth, life, death, and resurrection—how we ought to remember what he's done.  I write this down for reference since I'm not familiar.  He speaks of Christ—remembering all Jesus had done, he says to know him is life eternal.  I write that down, too. 
He speaks of times of healing—relating to that first Old Testament story he spoke on earlier.  He mentions that the whole lot of them were circumcised at once.  I shift a bit in my seat since that sounds incredibly painful.  He continues on about healing—to take time to reflect.  But he also says we ought to serve.  He gives a reference with Jesus when someone died.  He says that he heard about his death and withdrew to be alone... but then served—healing the sick. 
He further discusses a time to sort out our future, that we ought to look to it with hope.  My chest aches in that I truly want Megan in my future.  If there were one thing I could choose for myself, it would be her. 
I shake my head and focus on the message.  He mentions taking time to have sacred observances, commending us all for joining him.  He calls us his family and that meeting together and spending time with God is important.  He reads off Acts 2:42 and I write that down.  He mentions prayer and acts of service but also going out with others and spending time together as such observances as well.  He says that we shouldn't just listen to the words in the Bible, but to do what it says.  Then go out into the world and make a difference.  In order to do this, we should keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.  He explains that in all circumstances, we ought to look to the cross.  He says if we're searching, we will find what we seek.  I write all this down because this is just too much for me to process right now. 
He begins to close in prayer and I'm at a complete loss.  I feel like I'm on a track and I'm walking a path set before me.  I close my eyes and see that doorway again—the one I saw in the Jamaican church. It was like a vision.  Everything around me was black and dark.  There was light peeking around the closed door—between the door, frame, and ground.  It felt almost as if I have to open it.  I have that exact feeling right now.