It's becoming harder and harder to keep up my act. The composed one. It feels as though the world around me is shrinking.
There's this indescribable darkness taking everything away and leaving nothing behind.
Though, there is something temporarily keeping the darkness away. It's the will I have not to fall apart. Or to show it. Sheer willpower, nothing more. Nothing else to keep me afloat.
The distractions I've put up for myself are good obstacles. I've been mainly trying to distract myself from my stress about the poetry competition and the upcoming specialist appointment. Doing extra work, baking too much, cleaning harshly, furiously writing, but the most effective escape is going to practice with Kiyo.
"What are you writing, Hana?"
"A little piece of poetry."
"Oooh. What is it about?" Kiyo says as she steals a seat next to me on the bleachers across the volleyball net.
"Flowers," I admit.
"That sounds interesting. Can I read it?"
"Okay." I hand her the notebook.
"You should definitely add a device here in the third stanza instead of only describing. It'll make it more interesting!"
"That's perfect! Just what I need."
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Coach Washijo has been noticing some streaks in Ushijima's spikes. They aren't as sharp as usual. The team has an important tournament coming up soon, he is planning on telling the team about it today. Seeing his behavior, the coach won't take it.
"Ushijima! Line up your spikes, I won't tolerate any inefficiency. This is how you allow your opponent to receive it!"
"Yes, sir."
Ushijima then begins working on his speed reaction drill, stressed.
Hana takes notice of Coach Washijo's fuming remark.
She doesn't take too much time to think of it. She gathers her belongings and packs them in her bag. That's when she receives a message from her father, asking about her whereabouts. Her heart drops.
I'm with my friend at school. On my way home now. She sends hurriedly.
She goes up to Kiyomi, tapping her shoulder.
"Kiyo, I need to go. Father's home earlier than usual," she says.
"You should get home, Hana. Don't panic, okay? I'll see you tomorrow!" Kiyo says while waving her goodbye.
Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she walks out. She makes her way home. Only to greet her father, go up to her room, and study.
In the meantime, practice is still going.
Semi Eita is still working on his setting drills, with Wakatoshi spiking his sets. Coach Washijo's anger is heating up with every spike Wakatoshi slams. It went out. This one is the final straw, it hit Coach Washijo's final nerve.
"Ushijima! Get over here!"
Ushijima could see the smoke that is flaring out of his ears as he silently runs over to his angered coach. Without hesitation, Coach Washijo let out all his anxiety and anger on the tall boy.
"You seriously call that a spike? That was ridiculous," he points a finger.
Still silent, he makes eye contact. His coach's eyes are flames, burning him to the ground.
"We have a tournament coming up. If I ever see a sloppy hit like that, you're benched! Do you understand?"
He speaks so condescendingly, as if he's speaking to a machine. That's all he was, and Ushijima begins to believe it for a moment.
"Yes, sir."
"You need to do better," he scolds.
"I'm sorry, Coach."
"You've had enough practice for today. Head home," he says in pure disappointment, crossing his arms.
Wakatoshi's head is heating up, he's glad to go. His heart drops and his stomach twists as he realizes the entire gym is deathly silent, and that he has been, more or less, kicked out. No words, no volleyballs bouncing off the floor, no sound of sneakers squeaking.
He talks to no one. His head drops down in shame. He takes his bag and clothes, and swiftly leaves, closing the door behind him. Feeling utterly disappointed in his wasted efforts, he only blames himself.
The evening has arrived. He walks to his dorm, bag swinging along his bulky shoulder. He wipes the sweat off his face exhaustedly, desperate to cool off in the shower once he reaches his room. Desperate to run.
No one knows he won't be back in the gym for a few days.
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"Coach Washijo absolutely blew up on him. The whole gym went silent for five minutes until he yelled at them to continue."
Kiyo and I are talking over the phone.
"What? Why?"
"From what Reon told me, his spike went out and he went berserk on him because of it."
"What did he tell him?" My heart aches. I feel terrible for him.
I know that Wakatoshi will be crushed if he says something that scars.
"He said so many mean things, Hana. The last thing he said was that he needs to be better, but it was like a final blow. Wakatoshi didn't even raise his head. He even sent him home!" She imitates his tone.
"That's just cruel."
"To be honest, I have a feeling Wakatoshi isn't as efficient right now because he isn't doing so well."
My stomach sinks. "What do you mean?"
"From the signs his face is showing, he seems a bit sick actually. He's slightly pale."
"That's terrible."
I need to talk to Wakatoshi, I know he's not going easy on himself right now.
"Father's calling me from downstairs. I'll talk to you later, Kiyo."
"Okay. Good night, Hana."
"Good night."
I'm not someone who lies. Sometimes I do, but not this quickly. I need an excuse to get to him.
That's when I immediately open the messages app and find his name.
Hey, Wakatoshi. It's me, Hana. I heard about the incident. How are you feeling?
I type as fast as possible. I really hope he responds. I can't go to his home right now, this late. I don't even know where it is.
Maybe he didn't get home, what if he got hurt, a car crash? Okay, that's just irrational.
Calm down, Hana. Stop overthinking. I end up resorting to another one of my distractions. Writing. Again.
I delve back into my bundle of thoughts of what to write about for my poem.
In that moment, I'm inspecting every corner of my pencil on the desk. The little specs of dust, the shadow it made, the colors and indents. I'm that bored and blank-minded.
In that moment, my vision goes fuzzy and my head feels weird for a split second.
What is that?
I don't think anything of it. I shake my head and continue to sink deeper into my thoughts.
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Author: Super excited for the coming chapters XD
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Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima
Fanfiction'Everything seems to wash away with the tide and it's just two naïve kids staring at each other again, making promises to a future that isn't promised. A world they haven't seen, a life they haven't lived. A journey that's uncertain except for these...
