My mind is ready to forfeit this torturous game. My eyelids are getting heavier. My phone is close, but I give up.
Then, it rings. Out of the sheer blue, it rings. I'm almost limp. Yet still, I reach out with my remaining power and take the vibrating object into my failing grip. I see that it's an unknown number, and I suddenly want to answer. Maybe they'll be the last person who will ever hear my voice. Confessions to a stranger that'll be lost forever. With my index finger, I answer and hold it in my quaking right hand. I bring the speaker close to my dry lips.
"Hello. Is this Hana Takahashi?" the voice speaks.
"Yes," I whisper again. It sounds like Mrs. Ito's voice. "Hana, is everything okay?"
"Yes." Liar.
"I'm sorry for calling so late, but I need to check in on you. You don't sound okay, is there anything going on? I'm here, dear, you can talk to me."
I hear her reassurance in that little gap of time, knowing that it's running away. She's the last person to reach out to me, so she deserves to hear something kind. I continue to whisper.
"You're not just a teacher, Mrs. Ito."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your class was like another home to me. Full of hope, comfort, safety," I smile.
"Was?" she sounds worried.
"I loved your class," I laugh a little. "Hana, you're scaring me." Her voice shakes.
"Thank you for checking in," I say. "What's going on?" she asks, but I keep going as if I don't hear her.
I feel tired, so tired. I fall afraid, panicking. Is this it? "Hana," she calls sternly.
"Please, Mrs. Ito," I begin to cry, crying against the carpet, my cheek laying firmly against the soft fibers. The tears drop, but I can't see a thing. My eyes are shut tightly.
"What is it, my dear?" Her voice softens at my plea.
"I know you're in pain. Trust me, I know. But, please, you have to talk to me. Don't do this. Don't do this to yourself."
"I don't know what's wrong with me," I admit.
"Tell me how you feel."
"I've been getting sicker and no one knows. I've shut myself out, and now, it's too late. No one can hear me, Mrs. Ito. My parents aren't here, and I'm all alone in my room, on the floor. I can't stand up. It's not working," I trail off. My head spins one more time.
"But I tried. I tried, Mrs. Ito. All I've ever wanted was to hear them tell me that they love me, and that I've done enough. But god knows, I tried. I tried so hard."
"Now, I can't breathe. I don't want to die, Mrs. Ito. Please," I gasp desperately.
"It's not too late. I can hear you," her voice quakes with terror.
"Please. I don't want to die," I cry, breaking into sobs. "I don't wait to die, Mrs. Ito."
She speaks, but I'm in a state of panic too strong to hear her. "I'm going to die, aren't I?" I gasp again. My sobs are violent and weak.
"No, you won't. You have to trust me," she says.
"You're the last person to hear me," I realize.
"Don't say that, Hana, you'll be okay. Hang on a little longer," she says. I hear an engine run in the background.
"If you find me, don't cry. Don't shed a tear. I don't deserve them. But, please, don't tell anyone about this. I can't afford to be a burden any longer. But now, I can rest. Isn't that great, Mrs. Ito?" I calm down.
"Listen to me," she begs.
"I've lost so much weight, Mrs. Ito. I can't recognize who I see in the mirror. I can't recognize myself. I think I hit my head when I fell," my voice speaks, lower. I realize I'm spewing out any thought that comes to mind. I'm not fully aware of what I'm saying. My head is light as a feather.
"Dear, tell me what's been going on."
"I think I forgot to take my pills. My head is always spinning. God, it's spinning right now," I groan in pain.
"Can I tell you something?" I whisper.
"Anything," she whispers. I can hear her sniffle.
"I love Wakatoshi. Can you tell him that? Tell him to keep going. I'll be cheering him on from the sidelines, just as I always have. Tell him he has my heart, even though it may not be the one he wants. Tell him I love him. Please, Mrs. Ito, tell him everything."
I manage to hold a thin smile.
She calls my name, trying to hold herself together. I can no longer respond. I fall into a blur.
As my hearing muffles, she says my name louder and louder. I can barely breathe. My vision is shattered. My eyes sting and tear up again. My body is cold, as the window is still open. I shiver against the carpet. My arms are still spread out on the floor, my legs balled together.
I feel a weak ripple of sorrow in my chest. I have no power to feel anything. I expect to see my life flash before my eyes, but it's all a lie. That doesn't happen in real life. Mrs. Ito's calls are all I hear. All I can respond with are broken breaths. I close my eyes as the last pair of tears fall.
Before I can count another breath, the world goes q u i e t.
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Author: CHOOSE YOUR LAST WOOOORRRRDDDSSSSS
THIS IS THE LAST TIIIIMMMEEEEEE
CAUSE YOUUU AND IIIII
WE WERE BORN TO DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
YOU ARE READING
Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima
Fanfiction'Everything seems to wash away with the tide and it's just two naïve kids staring at each other again, making promises to a future that isn't promised. A world they haven't seen, a life they haven't lived. A journey that's uncertain except for these...
