Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

19 | Looks and Lies

I feel like such an idiot. I actually had my hopes up, I really did.

For as long as I can remember, I've been drilling it into my head not to have any high expectations at all. Especially with my parents. So why was I expecting anything?

I had my hopes high and clear that they'd be here. I don't want to, but I can't control it. I catch myself hoping they'd leave a card, a present, a message, or a call. Forget the materialistic things, I was hoping they'd take a day off from work to spend some of it with me.

I'm never enough. I'm a waste of their time, that's what I'll always be to them. Maybe I think I'm somehow worthy because it's their only child's eighteenth birthday. A milestone, my entry into adulthood.

So, I wake up by myself in an empty home. Haunted walls. Empty rooms. No one but me and my reflection in the mirror.

My father sent me a message. A simple happy birthday with some things here and there. At least he remembered, right? I should be grateful.

After making myself my favorite breakfast, I decide to light a little candle and sing happy birthday to myself. I imagine my parents sitting next to me. I stop halfway through, realizing how stupid I look. I eat in solitude before doing the dishes and cleaning, holding back my tears.

I decide to wear a floral dress for the lovely weather outside, I also let my hair loose. It's a very subtle rosy color. I can go for a walk later, and maybe visit Mrs Sasaki. That's when he arrives. It's time for Wakatoshi's tutoring lesson.

Usually, Wakatoshi and I walk home together after school, but today there wasn't any. Our school celebrates the arrival of spring by giving us the first day off.

I open the door with the happiest expression whilst saying, "Welcome, Wakatoshi."

"Hello, Hana."

"Have you brought the play's script?"

"Yes I have. I recall you told me we'll extend today's lesson to work on it. Thank you for taking more time to help me."

"It's my pleasure." I smile. I'm appreciative of the pocket of positivity I have today. His presence is more enlightening than he knows.

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In the dark blue van, Jin flips through his unfinished Shonen Jump manga. Eita chats with Reon in the back, Goshiki and Yu sleep on Yunohama's shoulders, Kai tunes out with an audiobook, Umeda and Yusho doze off with their cheeks against the windows, and Kiyomi and Hayato sleep in an embrace. She drools on his shirt, but only a little. He holds her tight, arms wrapped around her waist.

Taichi, Shirabu, and Tendo are the only ones awake, or at least, fully conscious to the hushed atmosphere. They sit closer together at the front, listening to jazz music on the radio. Tendo much prefers Indie or Alternative music, but for the sake of the sleeping passengers, he's willing to make that sacrifice.

Tendo is still on the highway, loosely holding onto the steering wheel, when he receives a message from Wakatoshi saying he understands the plan and that they're currently studying.

"Got the green light, boys! Everything's set," Tendo says while taking a rigid right, riled up with excitement.

"Let's hope Ushijima can do it," Taichi mumbles.

"I think he'll pull it off," Shirabu replies, surprisingly cheerful.

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When I returned to school yesterday, the day after missing school for an appointment, there wasn't that much conversation between us on the walk home. But today, there was catching up with notes, talking about the Hayashi rice I cooked him when he was sick, and even talking about a bunch of things like our interests. It's all loaded with deep talks and memories.