Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

26 | Honor

"Welcome home." I greet my parents as they walk through the front door, coming home from a business trip. With only my father's response, I immediately look around to see if there is anything unpleasant around me that could upset Mother.

When there's nothing, I figured she's lost in thought or had a bad encounter during her trip, causing her not to respond. Maybe she's upset with the way I'm dressed. I don't think that much of it.

We sit in our usual manor at the dinner table and eat a meal in silence. There's something nagging me to break the thread of silence that only allows our mouths to open when we eat. I want to start a conversation about work, school, grades, but I know it isn't the right time It never is. There's courage mounting to make conversation with my family so I can impress it upon myself that we're normal, united, pure. 

I want us to converse like how Kiyo does with either of her parents. That mounting came to a stop when I remember that it's arrogant to speak of my grades at the dinner table. They already know and expect that I'm an excelling student. So, why speak of it? I've been wanting to tell them how I'm entering a competition, how my grades are the highest in my class, and how I'm going to honor our family by reaching the highest in the entire grade. I'm going to do it, for them.

In the end, Mother finishes her food and goes to her office. My father and I are left alone. I feel a release of tension, so I begin to speak.

"Father?" I say.

"Yes, Hana?"

"Were you a volleyball player when you went to Shiratorizawa? The instructor, Coach Washijo, told me you were a setter back then, and that he taught you as well."

"That's true."

"Looks like you were a great player if your intelligence was 'the chain that tied the team together.' Those were his exact words."

"Don't be too surprised. I was a clever one, like you. Our family has some of the most intelligent and intuitional figures. It's no wonder we turned out like them."

I'm very interested at this point. "Really? Like who?"

"My great-grandfather."

"His name was Satoshi Takahashi. I recall my father telling me of how he was the one that started the company. He was very scientific-minded. Being from a family of teachers wasn't easy, but he had dreams. He moved away for several years to study. When he came back to Sendai, he started our technology corporation and lent a hand in the development of the area."

"Wow."

"What's known about him, and now about you, is that he was witty. That's how he got his investors and boosted his career, he intrigued them with deals and tactics they couldn't refuse. He was basically a social mastermind," he smiles, a spark in his eye.

"Your intelligence is your crown, Hana, it can give you more than beauty can ever offer. Wear it and keep your head high."

"I will," I say, standing to put my plate in the sink. I'll make you proud. I swear, I will. I'll make all of you proud. That's what I don't say. 

I head to my room, leaving him on the table.

I sit at my desk. I don't know why, but sitting in silence is more than enough. There are so many burdens on my shoulders. Wakatoshi's success, my decision, my future, my medicine and health. Everything is pushing me down. I never expected that by eighteen I would be taking doses of pills every day, all while juggling schoolwork and my parents' expectations.

The sentiments in my heart lead my hand to hold the frame sitting on my desk. A photo that immediately makes me vulnerable. It's a photo of myself as a little kid, around the age of eight years old, holding an academic achievement certificate.