"Have you visited the specialist in the city?" Dr. Suzuki asks.
"Yes, we have," my father says as he hands Dr. Suzuki the documents and result papers.
"I'll take a look and see if she'll need to stop her two pills and start the other kind I talked to you about."
We're back at Dr. Suzuki's office for a check up. Last time, he prescribed me with the pill I take two times a day. Today, he's going to look at my test results and my documents from my appointment with the specialist in the city, Dr. Ōta. Internally, I'm praying he won't give me another type of pill. I can't handle more pressure than I'm already carrying. That's the tip of the iceberg.
"I'm afraid I can't give you the answer in today's appointment due to the short duration. You'll have to reschedule for me to ensure that the medication is the correct one and that it's available."
He continues explaining and talking to my parents. If they have any questions, they'll be answered. I don't think they notice the person this appointment revolves around. They treat me like I'm not there. Don't I have the right to know about the new medication too?
I'm sitting there, sinking in my seat. The usual feeling I have while at the doctor's office.
That feeling always seems to catch up to me every time. It's always the same. Somehow, it seems to slowly haunt me every time I enter the room. My composure cannot be described as something hard to ruin, as I remain calm in whatever situation I'm put in. When I'm in this spot, it all changes. I would think of what I'm surrounded with usually. The time, weather, people. Here, I'm in pure mayhem.
Sinking in the sea of thoughts, also as usual. Would he give me another pill? Are my results that bad? Is that why he needs more time? "Hana, we're leaving." Father says. I snap out of the haze and immediately stand.
We walk out in the same deafening silence that was in the air. "Father, can you drive me to school?"
"Didn't the the school day end?" "Yes."
I'm quick enough to lie, again. "My friend and I are still studying early for finals."
Lies, lies, lies. Why do I keep on lying?
"Okay, then."
"I'll walk home. I know you'll be busy at work."
I'm driven to school and dropped off. I'm on time for Wakatoshi's play.
I can't seem to stop myself. I keep on lying. I want to look like the perfect child by doing responsible things, so I've been lying to cover up my actions. But, why? My home has no honesty or genuine communication, so I need to check if the coast is clear when I'm with the people I live with.
Pleasing my parents is all I want. It's all that I'm good at. If I'm not the perfect child, I'll be a burden. I'll burden everyone. My parents will be burdened with having an irresponsible child, my family name will be burdened with a terrible heir, and that'll bring shame to us all. I never thought I'd resort to lying of all things, but I need to in order to keep an image, even in front of my own parents.
I enter the school auditorium. It's empty. I hear murmurs in the backstage area. I decide to go back there and wish Wakatoshi good luck, if I can find him. As I go back there, I see him in the condition I expect.
He's pacing back and forth in the corner, restating his lines with a paper clutched in his left hand. Due to his overflowing stress, the paper is slowly becoming more and more crumpled in his fist.
I see the other members revising, doing vocal exercises, rehearsing all over again. I walk in through the door towards him, in hopes of reassuring him.
"Good luck on the play, everyone," I smile to the members as they thank me. I pass through.
Wakatoshi's back is facing me when I reach him. I hear his anxious murmurs. "Wakatoshi?" He doesn't hear me.
"Wakatoshi?" I tap his back, fixing the collar of my shirt. He turns to me abruptly, barely noticing that I'm the one there.
"Hana, why are you here?" he says. His eyes are blinking blankly.
"Could it be I'm here to see your play, Prince Charming?" I tease. He still looks anxious.
He balls both of his fists together in front of him and begins whispering at a faster pace with his eyes tightly shut. Nothing really occurs to me in that moment to make him feel better. I know that words will go through an ear and out the other if I try.
That's the thing with stress and academic success. Once that success fuels it in situations when it's at threat, there's no stopping it. See, you can't have success without stress. And you can't stress unless your success is threatened.
In Wakatoshi's case, he's stressed out since there's a possibility that he won't succeed in the play and gain the extra credit to succeed in literature. That's exactly what's happening, so I do what I can.
"Wakatoshi, breathe." My hands make their way on top of his shaking fists. They're warm, the polar opposites of my cold hands.
His eyelids fly open, then they slowly level back to normal. "Trust me. You'll do great," I whisper. I look up at him, staring into his eyes.
"Thank you," he whispers back.
"Be ready in five, cast! The audience is slowly entering." Mrs. Tanaka walks in and begins giving the cast a little pep talk. It's my cue to go.
I leave the backstage area, waving him goodbye and good luck simultaneously, making my way to the seats. The audience are settling down.
It takes a bit of time until the play begins. There are staff evening out the big curtain, staff fixing the lights, and the cast are getting their microphones clipped on their clothing.
Ironically, I partially know this story. I've travelled in the depths of the literature world. I've read stories and analyzed plenty of poems, all for the fun of it. I scarcely remember it as a classical story, a good challenge for actors.
With Wakatoshi as the male lead, there's a girl from our grade as the female lead. I see her around sometimes, not too often. She has the blond locks fit for the role.
The play begins rolling. Lots of sentiments, action, drama. It's a delightful choice.
Wakatoshi is doing an excellent job, he acts out his lines that he memorized very well. He's doing his very best and it sure is paying off. I can see the emotions in the colors of his face.
He doesn't have many lines, considering the story revolves around the heroine. He seems relaxed, not really caring for the play. Rather, getting the extra credit.
It's all going very smoothly. Plot-wise, they're departing from the falling action. They're defeating the antagonist. I remember his lines that show the character's bravery through them, they're perfect. His performance is perfect. His character is stoic, a perfect match.
After the antagonist's defeat, things are leveling back to normal. Relief, happiness, all that.
It's only then that they reach the part Wakatoshi had been avoiding all this time. Eagerly waiting, the unexpected unfolds steadily.
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Author: This was a pretty long chapter, I had to cut it short!! >-<
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Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima
Fanfiction'Everything seems to wash away with the tide and it's just two naïve kids staring at each other again, making promises to a future that isn't promised. A world they haven't seen, a life they haven't lived. A journey that's uncertain except for these...
