Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

52 | Yours

"Contestants, please join us on the stage," Mrs Ito speaks into the microphone.

I step into line with three other girls and two boys, we walk onto the stage in our uniforms. Forming a line, my stomach churns with anxiety.

"Shiratorizawa Academy is honored to have talented young poets like you. It is you who embellish our school with pride. Our judges have listened to your poems thoroughly, and will announce the winner shortly." The crowd roars with applause. I glance at the little trophy cup, golden and ready to be awarded.

I divert my attention to the crowd. After a good minute, I spot my friends. Wakatoshi, Kiyo, Hayato, Tendo, Semi, Reon, Goshiki, all of them. They're cheering me on. My parents are here too. My mother looks at me proudly, a big smile on her face. As my father waves, I hold back my tears.

The judges have their heads together, discussing, and referring to notes. When one backs away from the discussion, the rest nod their heads and return to their seats. Mrs Ito nods along and walks back over to the podium.

"A lengthy discussion has been upheld and the decision has been made. I'd like to thank each one of you for your efforts and touching words." This is it. Everything I've worked for. All the books I've read, every notebook full of writing. Everything. It all comes down to this.

"Without further ado, I am honored to announce the winner of the Shiratorizawa Academy Annual Poetry Competition, our two-time champion, Miss Hana Takahashi!" She raises her voice and the crowd roars with applause again. I clasp my hands over my mouth as I realize that I won. I did it. I won the competition, one last time.

The other competitors embrace me and congratulate me. I don't fail to thank them before walking to the judges, who are now standing in front of the table, extending the trophy to me. I take it with shaking hands and a huge smile on my face. I shake hands with each one of them and walk to Mrs. Ito, who is still standing at the podium.

"I believe we'd all like to hear a few words from our winner. Miss Takahashi, would you be so kind?" She looks to me. I nod. As I approach, she hugs me and whispers, "I am so proud of you, my dear." I hug her even tighter. She's seen my worst and my best. She knows how hard I've worked. I realize how weird it is to hear my voice ring so loudly in my ears.

"Thank you for joining us this afternoon. A big thank you to the judges and Mrs. Ito, along with my peers on this stage. I'm honored to be awarded. I want to say that I pour my every thought and every feeling into the ink of my work. In times of joy, happiness, or love," I look to a beaming Wakatoshi, "I write."

"A few days ago, it occurred to me that we all have our own way with words. Some write, some sing, some compose music or art. Others don't write, but have a look in their eyes that explains it all. We have our own ways of conveyance that differentiate us from one another, and that's something to be proud of. What matters is that you express yourself in the form you see best. Voice your thoughts and speak as you please, otherwise they'll linger in your mind for too long." I take a breath.

"In the end, we have far too little time to live in guilt and self-hatred. Dwelling on things will allow them to follow us wherever we run, and we'll be looped into a stressful cycle. Especially as naïve teenagers, we're collectively stressing about the future, earning the admiration of our families, or making something worthwhile of ourselves. Inevitably, mistakes will tread along our paths. We'll stay out late or get bad grades, we'll get into fights or carelessly neglect responsibilities. But, when we pursue our passions, we find that our worries wash away," I speak honestly.

"My past experiences, especially my illness, have shown me that it's time for me to live in the present and to leave the past be. I'm taking my step forward by being kind to myself, no matter how many times I make mistakes."