He and I aren't talking. So, it's no surprise that when I walk out of the dorm room, for the first time that morning, we say nothing.
It's the day of the tournament. I'm heading to my mother's house to grab some of my things before I head to the bus. I plug my earphones in and walk.
She's awake, she's arrived. It feels like a goddess has awoken from her sleep and is making her way into my thoughts again. Hana looks brighter than ever, like she's wearing a flower crown atop her head, and beams of light are shining behind her. Each day, I find myself tripping on new memories I find of her. Last night, I remember our first tutoring lesson, and how hypnotizing she looked as a sliver of sunlight made its way to her smiling face. Today, I remember the blinding rose of her cheeks as she walked down the stairs on the afternoon of her birthday, before we headed to town. I'm stuck in my thoughts, but I've lost the courage to talk to her. I'm too much of a coward to talk to her.
I knock on the door. I hear light footsteps make their way to the door and, surely enough, my grandmother opens the door.
"Come in," she speaks dryly. I make my way down the hall toward my room. "You're back early," my mother speaks sternly.
"I've come to retrieve some of my belongings. I'm going to a tournament for the next few days, and I've left some of my gear in my room." I continue my way into my room.
"A tournament? You haven't informed me of a tournament." She follows me.
"I'll catch up with my schoolwork when I come back, if that's what you're concerned about." I open the door to my room before entering. The air is thick in here, slimy and unwelcoming.
"Haven't you thought of asking for permission before going? I don't think it's appropriate for you to be leaving whenever you please."
"Now you care about what's appropriate? I barely live here."
"All of this nonsense will pull you back from your career someday, this tournament is just the start," she says, angered.
"This nonsense is my career, mother. And if you weren't so busy with everything but me, then you would've noticed that I live in a school rather than under your roof," I spit. It's wrong of me, but I'm sick of her.
"How come you care now?" I ask.
"I've always cared. That's why I provide you with money for these things," she replies, her voice dark.
"Really? Money? That's what's expected of you. There's no justification as to why I got sick and you didn't take care of me." I stuff a hoodie in my duffel bag, ignoring her.
"You know what? I've had enough of this." Her face is twisted.
"What are you going to do, kick me out? I only live in this house during breaks. I'm moving out sooner than you think," I spit once more. I want to get rid of this feeling off my back, and it feels good telling her exactly what's on my mind.
"You're going to move back in, and you won't be leaving until I permit you to! You won't waste your life on this," she says, throwing a jersey of mine on the floor.
I pick it up and stuff the remaining knee pads in my bag. "Have you suddenly remembered you have a son? Or is it that you're bored? The time for you to decide whether you care or not is up. I'm almost an adult."
She scoffs. "Do as you please. I don't care. But whatever it is you do, you have no right meddling in the life I've created for myself." I point my index finger toward my chest and poke myself so many times I might make an indent.
"Who are you to stop me?" she yells. "You should know the answer to that question," I yell back.
We both stand there. We've never stood in this position before. I've never had the mind to yell at her, but my heart has grown armor. I'm planning on using it. This moment reminds me of my parents. Bickering was all they did. My stomach hurls in disgust.
YOU ARE READING
Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima
Fanfiction'Everything seems to wash away with the tide and it's just two naïve kids staring at each other again, making promises to a future that isn't promised. A world they haven't seen, a life they haven't lived. A journey that's uncertain except for these...
