Journal of an Empress

New beginnings

Chapter 5

This morning I woke up with a smile on my face. I can't say that I don't do it every day but almost every. This morning it felt different. It felt as something new has begun. Inside me. 

I have wondered the last days what triggers me, to be scared, to feel wounded and also, what do I want from a future lover, friend and partner. What is it that is important, for me to have, to be able to grow, to be harmonious and to be tuned into my aligned path. 

Well it is not easy when you want to make a list of always the pros. I have always done lists of what I want but this time, I really thought about, what is it that I don't want. All our lives we have been taught to always think about everything in positive terms and me, myself have done that too. I know that negative things feeds itself and I know it. But one must also know, what it is that we don't want so we can see it, don't choose it when it is just in front of us. It is as important to know that otherwise it might take longer for you to see it at first. 

I don't want someone that is superficial. I don't want someone that is materialistic and put himself first, all the time. I don't want someone that isn't emphatic and sees all people equally and always, always reach out to someone in need. I don't want to have someone that wakes up negative every day and just feels that they are the victim and blame every one else for their mistakes, faults and failures. I don't want someone who is an ego.  I don't want someone that doesn't like hugs, kisses and well, sex. With me and not with someone else of course. I don't want someone that doesn't treat me right, wants to lift me up when I am down and wants to help me grow, at my own speed. 

I think that list is accurate what I don't want and then now I know what I want to attract. After all an Empress doesn't chase. I ain't. I am going to wait for the one that proves for me in actions what I mean. Not by fake promises. I will not go into any relationship until I have seen the flaws, that behavior and manners. I have learned the hard lessons that patience is needed when to get to know someone from heart. 

I am very proud and strong in knowing that I am on my true journey to true love. It feels amazing to feel that in spirit and heart. A new beginning. Kisses that are felt from heart. Attraction that is build on trust, chemistry and warmth. Texts that makes you smile. Texts that makes you blush. Texts that makes you want to jump into your car, drive the extra miles to get that special hug from the special one. Feelings in heart of feeling safe. Sleeping next to someone that makes you feel that you are the most special one in the world. New beginnings. 

I am here. Not waiting. Not despairing. In the right timing everything will come. As it always do.