Journal of an Empress

Karmic or not, it is all about lessons learned

Chapter 11

I am wondering if I am  in a twin-flame journey or maybe I have met a karmic one. I was reading online on the differences and well when I see him in 3D doing his shit, remembering things he made me feel shortly after maybe I have overseen some facts about him. It is not the first time I have thought about it but is has been hard to figure out. We have this weird connection in 5D or at least we have had it. 

My twin often did irrational moves not thinking of me even shortly after we met. He was caring the first one and halv year but then I just feel that everything about my life, drained. I become sick, I lost more and more energy, felt depressed and gain a lot of weight in having him weighing me down. Of course not just his fault but it was always I that worked on the connection from time to time. I know we had this soul recognition but maybe he was the devil in disguise in some way. I know he felt really strong love for me but I can't figure out who he really is. 

The person I see in the 3D is so far, far away from someone that I would even consider to even talk to. It is so far from the person I met. I feel just disgusted from him and his behavior. I think that maybe I have overestimated our connection. Cause the facts I hear and can see in 3D which I know is not really real is eating up every hope I have ever had for him. I know it is not my job to hope, FOR him, I leave that to the divine. It is just the way I am when I see people not living their true purpose and I can see that they are all fake. I just want to help them to live more better with more love. Of course I am not so stupid that I take energy from me to wrong people. No, but my twin was someone that I truly had a connection with. And when I see him being this superficial, egoistical asshole I just want to walk away. It is so far away from what I stand for. 

Now I don't feel him at all. I am just so closed of from him. Everything about him, that I hear or see make me want to vomit. It is true and that makes me feel in some way feel mad but also sad. Because everything I learned and found out is everything with ut, was it fake too? Of course it wasn't but even if I have grown and feel myself today as an Empress it is still hard when someone just becomes a real asshole and shows in the 3D as one too. 

I will not live with an asshole. I don't want to live with such kind of person. And then I think, maybe he is a karmic. Maybe that was the lesson because I don't feel those feelings when he completed me, anymore. I don't have so many times when he actually stepped up and confirmed the love to me and was caring and loving. Maybe I have got it all wrong but well also all right. Because I know now HOW it should feel when you meet someone that is actually true. An actual soulmate or twin-flame. When someone really is grounded in himself and what he stands for. Not being Mr Jekyll and Mr Hyde personality.

The more I think of it the more it just sinks in. There are so many differences in his behavior during the last years and also during the years before so I can not see him as a divine counterpart. I know the divine is doing lots of work on him and I am sorry for thinking that it doesn't seem to pay ON him but that is why I want to have a result that benefits him saying to me that everything he felt and was with me, was true. That might though not was the Divine has in store for me, for him maybe but for me the Divine just want to point out what I shouldn't put up with and that I really, really has to be picky of whom I invite to my life. Thanks Divine!

It is actual quite interesting, this journey. I learn so many things all the time. And the greatest lesson has been that I LOVE MYSELF, inside and out. I look at myself in the mirror and I am so proud of me. Cause I am glowing. Why? Because I have chosen a way of living that is for love, peace and harmony.  I now feel that I can choose what I want from life. What I need from a future partner, friend och lover. What I don't want and most of all I can dream of whatever I want from life, from my needs and wishes. Not anyone else's, MY dreams and wishes. That is cool. It is working. That is also cool. 

So maybe he is a karmic. Maybe he isn't. But nevertheless, I have learned a lot. Most of all I have learned that I can say no to whatever doesn't give me what I want, because I have learned that the most important is to say yes, to me.