Journal of an Empress

No way back

Chapter 35 

It has been a couple of months since I wrote in my journal. It has been almost two years since you left me with the words "lets just have a break" and since that day we have never said a word.

You don't even say hello in the streets to me. Neither wave when our eyes crosses from a distance. You just look cold and as a stone face. I know that it is just a disguise. A false phony disguise. You are living a fake, phony life and for me I just feel blessed that I got away from it all. 

Sometimes I wonder what happened with you during this time, before and just after. Why you turned into this crazy guy that my friends still talks about. The guy that is only superficial and weird. Fake and phony. But in his eyes feels like the top of the world. A burger king.

A few days back I really felt your presence. It was a long time since I felt it. I even phantasied about what I would say if you came to talk to me. What we should talk about. But in these moments I still see your souls appearance, not the one I see in 3D. Then it is much easier to talk with you.

There is no way back. Ever. I know it, in heart and soul. You and I weren't right. The love felt magical in the beginning and the match between us felt just so bounded and grounded in love and spirit. It was to awake me. To a better life, a better me and a better spiritual growth. I really know it now. I am thankful. Grateful. 

Sometimes I feel a bit dark in heart to know that we will never be able to be a couple again. .I could never take you back after all these years. Even if I would try. Also your energy and spiritual growth don't feel real to me and you don't feel real to me and that is the end of the story. I have forgiven you but I can't take you back. Ever. 

I wish you the best and hope you will find some true and real energy inside you that will make you focus on the right path. The one that leads you to true fulfillment. That is my wish.

For me I wish to have that harmonic, peaceful relationship that makes me safe, feeling home and feeling appreciated and loved. Inside, out. I am sure I am heading straight towards it. It encourage me. A lot.