Journal of an Empress

Magical Manifester

Chapter 33

I can't deny those feelings of longing. Longing for touch. Togetherness. Being with someone that you really like to talk to, be with and just having a great time with. Not feeling anxious or worried about someone running away from me.

I have had some runners in my life actually. Or well not really runners in that kind that I have had 'these last years. More of a feeling that I walked away cause they couldn't handle feelings, open communication and neither was they aware of my value, some of them return and made me know about it. 

That is probably why some of them got a better desitiny with someone else. If I am being sarcastic, not at all, not at all. If they went on a path where they found true love and live in love with themselves and others I am happy for them.

For those that still are immature and lives by the pentacles well I just feel sorry for them living in ignorance for the fact that cups are the only thing that matters.

I ran into an ex the other day. No hard feelings while we went on different paths. He was so intimidated by me. Could hardly look into my eyes, he went so shy. I have felt that my glow up these last year has been big but not THAT big. I have noticed that people smile around me and really looks at me in somehow just shining way and I also notice that I can make a whole room smiling by just being me. It is not about my looks, it is about that confidence I have gained these months.

I have had so many chats with the Divine, Universe. About what I miss in life. What I was be grateful to have more in my life. What I am grateful for having in my life. In fact I am very pleased with my life as it is now. I have everything I need and like. I have a healthy family and friends. I have my daughters. I have people that really can support me. A job that I truly like and a boss that is great. 

The only thing I am putting in time for manifesting is true love. True unconditional love. I have felt that it has not really arrived to me to stay. That is not something that I am sad or down about, I just feel that pull to getting that warm, buzzling feeling inside. When someone arrive to my house, opens my door and I just feel warmth?

A cup of coffee and looking into eachothers eyes, holding hands and just discuss things Being in eachothers presence.

My DM that really ran from me, he was the first guy that I was very much in love with and had that deep connection with, the first years. We had this amazing relationship even if on other levels he needed to grow up.

I don't really miss him, I miss the feeling I felt with him.. Truly. So I manifest that kind of  feeling. That warm feeling of safeness. A feeling of being home. With someone that doesn't run. That only run, towards me.