Journal of an Empress

No matter what

Chapter 3

Sometimes I wonder if I will meet someone that will make my heart beat, fast again. That will make me smile each morning. Maybe will run up the stairs one more time just to kiss me a third time before they go to work. That stayed some more minutes even if it meant that they will be late for work. That sends a text just to wish me good morning. Or to wish me good night. That text me a song that communicates all the words that one can not always find own words to say.

Someone that will kiss me gentle and say that I am the most beautiful girl  in the world and that we were meant to be together forever. That will take my hand in his and make me feel that it is like home. Who has this crazy feeling of making me just feel safe. Warm inside. Loved. Just by being near them. That I can fell asleep with and sleep like a baby in their arms.

I remember when we were sitting, eating dinner and just looked deep into eachother eyes. Talked about our future dreams and adventures that we could have with eachother. It felt so right. So many years. It felt so right. Being with you. Like we were two in one. You had one half of my heart with you, always  and I had an half from your heart with me, always. It thought that I finally had found the one that could take care of my heart and make me feel loved. For the rest of my life. I never thought one year ago that I would sit here without you or maybe I did. 

I never thought that you would change that much. I thought that we might change together. Positively. That we when we met were in align with our souls in one another. That you were the true you. Well for me you felt as you were in align with your true purpose. I had it all wrong. Or maybe not. 

Everything changed last summer. Your personality. Your beliefs. Your attention in our relationship. Your superficial lifestyle discussed me. I knew that it was going to be like this. Somehow I knew. To really become who you want to be, you have to take the choices that are important for you to learn your lessons or shall I say to prove what you have learn. 

I wonder if I ever feel that I am totally over our love but I guess that depends on who I meet and what they will show me. I will never get caught up in something hasty or intensive again. I will wait for the right person to really make me believe that he is what he wants to be in life. That he knows what he wants in life. 

I know that it takes time to heal wounds. I guess I am not really healed yet but I have come far in this journey. I am so proud.  I am meeting people. New people. Learning things about myself and I am feeling more confident. Even without you and actually I have always felt confident in some way. Our break up just made me step up in a new dimension and I am heading into a new future that I will really enjoy. No matter what.

Nothing can tear me down. No one is allowed to bring chaos and conflict in my life. I will act as an Empress. With love. Respect. Courage. Kindness. And most of all, I will act as me, my true me. No matter what.