Journal of an Empress

Fear of love

Chapter 13

I am a bit afraid of love. After this twinflame journey I have felt lost. I didn't understand how much until I met this guy. That was the opposite of my DM. Well my DM was amazing at first. The first year was really tremendous and very deep. Sometimes I can't remember how it was or felt. Then I met this man. 

He was so kind and caring. So intelligent and knowing so I got a bit shocked. He had a similar life path. Had gain so much wisdom. Something started in my belly. Something started to swirl. I just looked in his eyes and felt that I was not alone. He was so genuinely interested in me and we could talk about anything. He had this really warm hug that made me feel that I wanted to hug him again. 

Still I got a bit scared. Of losing my control and losing my path in life. Due to someone else. Due to my need for someone else. Due to what I feel for someone else. I have been down that road and I know what love make me do.  In this case it might be someone that is situated an hour from me, in a life where he hasn't sort everything in out in and is off on a new journey. He has his hands full. I don't want to be a second choice either. 

I don't want to be a burden and I don't want to be someone that will just long for him and wait. I know he wouldn't put me in that position but still I am a bit hurt from the past as is he. I am afraid of falling in love with the wrong person. Falling in love with someone that don't have time for me. That will treat me as a toy. I KNOW that he might not do it but still. I DON'T KNOW for sure.

The DM has made me grow in my life and what I want in life. But he has also taught me to be careful and maybe too careful. I want to meet this man again but I am still afraid. Still afraid of what I might risque in meeting him. Even though I am happy that he has crossed my path. Because he is so intelligent and uplifting for me so if we give eachother what we need in an agreeable level then we might be soulmates, platonic if possible. 

When I talked with him I knew that the most important in life is communication, open and honest communication. Equal give and take. And the eager to learn and develop in life. All those three are what we like and add children, laughter and sex then you got them all *LOL

I know that I have some growing to do. I also know what my Empress mode tell me and is is like radar that has been put in, in a surgery because it is really making me re-think and re-valuate more - in a intuitive loving way but also with my mind joining. Not easy when you have some more triggers to deal with, but hey you learn every day. 

The journey is everything. The journey is now and one must accept bad days and good days. That is life. And to appreciate things you have to live a life that contains pro and cons, calm and windy, sun and rain, light and shadow - learning this make you much calmer. In everything.

But the most important lesson is to never ever fear love. Never ever reject love. Never ever walk away from love due to something that happened in the past. Now is now.