Journal of an Empress

Hope has left the building

Chapter 19

I have had problems of really letting the last part of my DM out of the door. I think that even if I have tried and said that I have done it, I haven't. Some part of me still believes that he, the one that I truly felt in love with and that I had that soul recognition was there, inside. I was wrong. Now I know. 

The things I have seen in the 3D has been a disaster. I have not even believed my eyes when I have seen it all. He has become totally an asshole. After almost ten months since we broke up I think I had this hope, inside. This small hope of me really having a correct assumption of him. But I am sorry, I don't have a slight hope for him.

I truly can't understand how someone can be this stupid. He has not only given up his common sense in what is important in his life, he also has just left his children a side to be able to go on this egoistical journey of his. He doesn't even care. He doesn't even take time to be with them, to be near. 

It is kind of crazy that me and his ex has this wonderful relationship and let our children hang out. The separation had broke their heart, but in this difficult time we have found each other and really help each other out. It is wonderful. I feel stupid that I have had so much faith in him changing to be the good guy that he once was. No he blocks everyone that doesn't suit his purpose, well I shouldn't say purpose. More a devilish way of living life. Without any thoughts of anyone else but himself. 

I am truly happy for me being me. Still. For me standing up for good things, love, caring and empathy. It is the most important traits in life. To be nice and caring for one another. I will never ever be anything but that. I know what is right and this behavior of him is totally up the walls. The hope has left the building totally. I know that this journey is a bit crazy and of course I long for the person I really once loved. 

BUT no it is time to invite someone that can give unconditional love, genuine from heart. I will not accept anything but true love. Only true love with lots of laughs and nice conversations, hugs and kisses. I will invite that and am really looking forward to it. REALLY looking forward to a man and not a teenager behaving guy. Nope, done with that.

Hope has really left the building. Where there was hope is just lots of shame. But I have learned a great lessons. Thankful, as always.