Journal of an Empress

Believe in magic

Chapter 16

Have you ever woken up and felt that this is your day? Or do you feel like that almost every day? Have you ever felt that no matter what happens during the day, you will handle everything with a gentle care and an open and loving mind? Have you ever thought that this day might change your whole life? I a second?

I have this desire for making the most of life. Feeling it on every level, with every dimension I can in my heart and soul. I know that the most life-changing events just happens, on an ordinary day when no really thoughts about it coming. Just like that, your life is changed and it feels awsome. Maybe someone steps into your space and you just feel excited in a new way? Maybe an opportunity just turns up out of nowhere and you just feel blessed?

There are so many things that have happened for me in life, good, bad, happy and sad but most of all everything has just turned out to be ok and sometimes pretty amazing. No matter the storm or the battle inside I have always managed to get above the surface and survived, with a smile on my face and a new lesson inside. I just love the feeling of ascending inside and out. I feel that every day is an attempt of making something better or that something will happen and make it better but I don't expect it and that is the exciting part, for me. Maybe it will or maybe it won't.

When I look into the mirror today I don't need to say to myself. You are beautiful and have a value. I feel it, in heart and spirit. In soul and mind. Of course I have bad, down days like everyone else, they just don't get a hold of me like they use to. I have conquered so many battles inside so I know that I will win and if I loose I still will win in the end. That is the good part. That is also why I am not so afraid anymore. It is not about losing anymore, it is about gaining perspective. To everything. 

Everything happens for the higher good and for my higher good so whatever happens I know the Divine is making good decisions for me. I just have to make decision from my soul and heart and not from my ego.. Which mostly just wants me to go and hide and make up ridiculous stories about how bad people can be and how miserable many men has left me. In fact I am thankful for all of them, because I have learned a lot. About myself and a lot about what I don't want to invite.

I have thought of my DM or whom he is. I don't really care anymore about it. Even if we got a soul re-cognition I feel am gone. I know I can't hide all the feelings the last ten months from the separation, or our first meeting five years ago and what all people say about him that sometimes hurts me  in 3D but I feel in my heart that I have moved across the desert and he had had so many opportunities to give me water and help but have just looked away. He hasn't turn that boat around anytime. His loss. For me love is support. Even if we are in journeys in ourselves to ascend,  for me I would never have turned my back in that kind of way that he had done. Even if it is a lesson the thrust that once were there can never be restored. It is broken. And the one who broke everything into pieces isn't the one I want to have  to put them together. I heal me. Not him. 

I want magic in my life. I want someone that have a heart and is connected to it. I want to believe in dreams, fantasies and ferry tales. I know people always says that the don't exist but I want to believe them. I know they exist because inside me, every day I can count whatever I see as blessings. I can see magic in the nature every day, birds, butterflies, squirrels even a spider or an ant. All living creatures, imagined or in 3D.  I know we are connected far more than everyone believe and that is what keep me going in this world. 

Without magic there would be no life, no nature or  spirituality. Science and miracles. I know. You know. That we are all connected whether we want to believe or not. But I have to say it is so much up-lifting to believe.