Blandview High Musical

46. Trial and Error

Jade was sitting in her bedroom, gazing at herself in the vanity mirror. This felt wrong. She looked like a sad clown covered in makeup. There was a knock at her door. "Yes?" She said, her eyes never straying from the reflection. Her father opened the door. "Are you ready?" He asked. She took a deep sigh. "No..." "Baby, we've gotta get going if you're going to do this." He said. She swiveled around on the stool to face him. "But what exactly is it that I'm doing? Giving into someone's final wish by screwing them? I don't want that. I don't want any of this!" She shouted. It was becoming clear that there was a missing piece inside of her. No amount of sex could fill that void. Not everyone was cut to fit that piece and the only person who was had resigned to the fact that neither of them had any business with the other. A harsh truth, but one that had to be accepted.

"Tell me what you want then." Her father said, stepping into the bedroom. He knelt down with his arms resting on the vanity table. By this time, tears were streaming down her face, melting her mascara in with her foundation. She had caked the make up on too thick. It was unclear if she'd done it on purpose or if she was so desperate to pretend she wasn't herself for this time with James. "I just want it to all go away. I don't wanna see him." She said. Her father nodded his head. He reached up, dragging his thumb through the sticky make up. "Do you want me to make it go away? I can make him go away for a long time if that's what you want, baby. You just have to say." She sniffled, rolling her lips together. She nodded her head. "I don't wanna see him again. I don't wanna hear about it anymore." She sobbed. He moved forward, wrapping his arms around her. "I'll make it go away. I want you to go and take a shower. When I get back, we'll go to dinner, we'll go see a movie, we can do whatever you want." He gave her a kiss on the cheek before he got up and left the room.

My mother and Frankie were downstairs, cooing over the color schemes of the wedding, where the venue should be and everything else. It was nice to see my mother in a happy headspace for a change. I know things were difficult with my father's arrival and then his departure. Not that she was hoping for something spectacular to happen (like the rekindling of their marriage) but I know the sudden and constant disruptions were too much for her. Frank on the other hand, is a gentle person. He's good for my mother.

I came downstairs with my backpack slung over my shoulder. I just wanted to pop in and get some breakfast as Shayne was coming to pick me up. Driving to school together had been something else. The perfect opportunity for naughtier things in the mornings. Like blowjobs and handjobs in the school parking lot or having Shayne take a taste of me in the morning. This morning was different though, I caught myself snuggling closer to him during the drive. "You're unusually cuddly this morning." Shayne commented as my arms wrapped around his own, squeezing gently. "I think all of this planning my mom is doing for her wedding just has me feeling mushy inside." Shayne chuckled. "Are you thinking about marrying me?" He asked, playfully. "God no! And not in a hateful way either, I'm just thinking about this moment right here and now." "Maybe once the new year comes, we can get a little more serious about our relationship." Shayne suggested. "How much more serious could we get?" I asked, looking up at him. "Well, there are certain things that we could do..." He said, his eyes flickering down to me. Just then, I realized what he was implying and awkward tension set in. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I tried not to let the tension seep through my skin and ruin the mood.

When we arrived at school, Shayne and I didn't take time to do our morning ritual. Instead, we got out of the car and walked up to the front of the school. I found Caylie as Shayne split away from me to go get something to eat in the cafeteria. "Everything okay?" Caylie asked. "Yeah, I just...Shayne said something and it really bothered me a little." I said. Caylie wrinkled her brow. "What did he say?" She asked. "I think he wants for us to start saying the L-word..." I said. I couldn't even bare to say anything more than that. "Why is that such a bad thing?" She asked. "I just—I don't even feel like I'm capable of that. I've been through so much...that I don't think I can feel that at all." I said. "Maybe you're just not ready." She suggested. "I hope so...but I do hope that one day I am ready. I can't tell him because it would destroy him." Caylie remained silent. "Either way, have you heard from Jade?" I asked. "Not a word. She hasn't even called." "I hope she's alright."