Blandview High Musical

65. John 11:35

Shayne was silent in the bed as the chemo treatment was taking place. It had been successful this morning. The doctor was hoping it would continue to be successful. Despite anything, he had allowed Shayne's mother to stay in the room. She was elated to know it was working. "He will be very tired after this, Mrs. Topp." Her thumb rubbed softly over his hand. "Of course. He'll need all the sleep he can get." She said.

            We were all at school this morning. Caylie told me that Damien had taken seeing Shayne really hard. That he spent most of the time in tears. He wanted to be angry with Shayne for not fighting to live, but he couldn't bring himself to get mad at someone who was so close to the other side. I told Caylie about my experience when I went to see him. That I literally went running out of the room and ultimately, out of the hospital. "It's so hard." "I just don't understand why he wouldn't say something to us about what was going on." I said. Caylie shrugged her shoulders. "I think that maybe he thought he could...I dunno, stop it, I guess?" I could feel myself start to get emotional. "Why did none of us see it? Were we all just too wrapped up in our own bullshit? How could we let this happen?" Caylie placed her hand on mine. "No, Shayne made a choice." She said. "It still feels so wrong." I said, quietly. She squeezed my hand softly. "Whatever happens...Shayne is going to be okay." She said.

            I looked across the breezeway to see Tommy leaning against the wall. He was still trying to score that date with Jade. She might've let him kiss her and she might enjoy playing games with boys, but the conversation looked smooth. She would sometimes touch him, but something was different about that touch. I don't mind. Hell, there's nothing between Tommy and I, and there probably never will be. He's a wonderful guy, but Shayne...that stupid inconsiderate, absolutely wonderful asshole has a grip on my heart that will tear it in half. I could never let Shayne go.

            "How are you feeling?" Tommy asked Jade. Before she could answer, he said, "You've got a gorgeous little glow to you this morning." She rolled her eyes. "You're just trying to butter me up." He chuckled. "I'm serious." "I feel fine. I'm still nervous, but I'm trying to keep distracted from it." "What about Mr. Pena? Did you tell him?" He asked. "No. I can't tell him." "It's his baby..." Tommy said, lowering his voice. "I know, but like you said, Shayne was delirious. How can we be sure he even knew what he was saying?" She asked. "Well, whatever happens, I'm right here." He said. She smiled. "Thank you for that." Her eyes moved over to Gill who was staring in their direction. "Is there something going on between you and Gill?" She asked. Tommy smiled, looking down. "No. I don't think there ever will be." "Why not?" "There's—She has Shayne. I can respect that. And there's someone else I have my eye on anyways." "When he's gone...what happens then?" She asked. "Nothing. We just move onto grieving and then moving forward." He said. He paused. "Don't get me wrong, things are great with Gill...but no matter what, she'll never really belong to anyone else after he's gone."

            Jade's eyes started to fill with tears. "I don't want to think about that." She said. "I know, but it is the reality as painful as it might be." He said. Just then, Javi walked up. Tommy looked away. "Can I talk to you?" He asked. Jade nodded her head. Tommy just remained silent as the two of them walked away.

            At lunch time, Tommy was hanging out with Joe Hansen and Damien. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be back." Joe said. There was silence as Joe walked away. "Tommy, there's something I need to tell you..." Damien started. Tommy stopped picking through his food and looked over at Damien. "What is it?" He asked. "I just—I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you. I'm just...I'm sensitive to being around the girls. I'm also really struggling with this." His voice was wavering softly. "I feel like you're going to replace him and I know you couldn't...I just—goddamnit..." He slumped forward, sobbing. Tommy moved over to him. He placed his hand on the brunette's backside. Compared to Damien, Tommy was short. The lumbering and broken brunette suddenly wrapped his arms around Tommy. "I'm sorry, man. I just—I'm so sorry." He sobbed. "It's okay. I'm not here to take his place, I promise. I care about the girls just as much as you do and right now, we need to be there for them." Damien sniffled softly, tears splattering against Tommy's black shirt. His fingers dug against the material.