Holy Sin | | JJK

38

I fiddled with my fingers as the music blasted inside the car. So Young was singing beside me with the music. Her voice was so beautiful. If she didn't have other dreams she could have been a famous singer. There's not even a single flaw in her. She's too good for me to hate her.
Beautiful, kind, loving, caring, virtuous, compassionate, friendly, loyal and all other positive adjectives there are in the Oxford dictionary can't describe her enough.

Why would anyone not fall for her? And how can anyone choose to deceive her or hurt her?

But again, ain't I and Jungkook doing the same? Guess, desires and time changes everything. That's what it is like to be a human. We are selfish and greedy. We can be good but we can be bad too. We can like someone and respect them and yet decide to betray them for our own liking. We have our egos, pride and attitude. And we keep them before another life. It's funny. It's funny how mere feelings come in between and force us to do things we never imagined of.
But who is to be blamed? No one. That's just how we all are. And that's how the world is going to work. It did before, it is doing now and it will always do.

"Y/n, why are you so silent?" She asks turning her head to my side. I shake my head peeking out through the window. "No... I just... I just don't know what to talk about." I end my sentence with a nervous chuckle.

"In that case, I'm never hesitant to make a conversation." I know that too well. Even years before, when she was new in the class it took her seconds to make friends and the two of us instantly grew close because of our extrovert nature. Sometimes when I didn't have anything to talk about she'll keep us going. She has always been interested in talking to me. I never understood why it was this way. She had so many people to talk to then why was she always sticking to my side.

But it would be a lie if I say that I didn't like it. I loved it. I finally had a female with whom I could be as open as I wanted to be and I just knew that no word that came out of my lips would become a whisper on other's lips. She is trustworthy. Not the Gossip Girl. And even now with no doubt I'd agree.

It's such a shame that because of some things I lost both the love of my life and a great friend forever.

Because I would never look at them the same. Jungkook wouldn't be the same for me and neither would be So Young. Everytime I'll look at them I'd only be reminded how I ended up ruining so many years of my life. Feeling lonely, upset, cursing myself, finding faults inside me, crying my eyes out, missing people who had hurt me, cutting off my connections with everyone including my only bestie, turning myself into a hard hearted mess and not letting myself get attached to anything or anyone ever.

It's ironic how I broke all my principles and went against my own self respect after having Jungkook walked in my life once again.

But again, as I said before, we all are humans. We make mistakes and in trying to get them right we make bigger mistakes. We turn down everything to fulfill our desires.

"How is work?" She asked glancing at me. I heaved out a disheartened sigh. Of course, since Jungkook returned work hasn't been as fun as it used to be. What's more interesting is the part where I need to go to his office because I'm so sure that everytime I step inside and close the doors behind something spicy has to happen between us. That's what makes work less stressful.

She chuckles at my reaction. "I can tell Jungkook is giving you a hard time."
Indeed he is. Doesn't let me focus on anything around me. As if my eye sight goes blur keeping only him in focus.

"Well, he's particular about his work. Too much." I nodded my head agreeing with her. He must have worked so hard.

"I have seen him working his ass off to reach the status he has now. Sleepless nights, working till his brain couldn't function at all. Sometimes I wonder why is he working so hard. As if he wants to keep himself as busy as he can."

An array of emotion hit my chest. The Jungkook I knew was more of the person who studied only if he enjoyed, did the work he liked and a person who never went too hard on himself.

He used to say, "Life is for us to enjoy. What's the pointing in working so hard. Aren't we all going to die at the end?" I used to laugh at it but his words hit too hard. He was too correct. I wonder why didn't he stood up to his own words. What made him go hard on himself? And now, was he even enjoying the life he was living?

But the thing that makes me want to cry and scream and claw my hair is that I wasn't with him when he needed me. I couldn't be with him on the abrupt turns of life to hold his hand and lift him up everytime he stumbles.

It makes me feel guilty and make me feel like I owe a lot to So Young. Because she was with him at least.

I might be sounding utterly stupid and crazy for having that thinking about So Young because she's the reason I lost everything I had. It's not entirely her fault though.

But again, who am I to owe her anything? Jungkook isn't mine. Not in the way I want him to be.

"Maybe he wants to be busy. Maybe he doesn't want to concentrate on anything else."

She turns her head to look at me while I'm still staring out of the window. The silence stretches out for very long making me look at her.

"Or maybe he's trying to run from some particular memories." She looks away leaving me with an unfamiliar feeling. Why was she looking me like that?

I don't say anything because what do you even say to a thing like that.

"Anyways, enough about Jungkook. Tell me about you. About everything that has happened in your life. I feel like I know nothing about you." She regains her cheerful self grinning at me widely.
I glide my tongue over my lips nodding my head. "Sure, let's do that over food." Just then she pulls the brakes and I realize that we are already at the restaurant. We get off the car and she rushes to my side holding my arm tightly.

I bite my lips clutching my fists. There used to be a time when it felt good to have her wrapped around me like that. She always held onto me as if I'm the only person she has in her life.

No, I can't be so pathetic. I should let go of the past. It's about new beginnings. Although I can't forget the past and not look at her the same way, I can at least try.

I suck in a sharp breathe letting my lips curl up into a smile. I hold her hand looking into her friendly blue eyes. They still radiate that familiar warmth.

"Let's make this day unforgettable."

And who knew, it indeed would be unforgettable.