Holy Sin | | JJK

48

<JK>

"Eun Ji Won. That's my mother." The words tasted so bitter on the tip of my tongue. I had sealed my past into a box and thrown it in the back of my mind where I would never look back again but life is unfair.
Past cannot be avoided. It always comes and stands right in front of you at the least expected moment.

Y/n, of all people deserves to know everything about me. I never was courageous enough to tell her all about myself. That was because I didn't want to remember all those things that had happened. But now I'm going to face it.

Y/n, is all I care about. She squeezed my hand with a pained face. Straddling on my lap she turned around staring up at me. That expression was because I had never talked about my mother. No one in my family did.

"Eun Ji Won? The... The actress?" Her words came out into a whisper. She has always seen that woman as her idol and it hurts to see everyone around me worship her like a goddess. "I didn't have a close relation with my father until high school." She remained silent so I continued.

"My mother always made it look like she loved me the most. But all she wanted was to use me for herself. Wanted me to follow her footsteps. Make her name grow up more in the film industry. And I agreed because I loved my mother, admired her, trusted her." I felt a warm touch on my cheeks. I realized tears have slipped from my eyes. Bad memories don't hurt as much as good memories do because good ones are the harsh reality slapping our faces with the truth that it's only a memory and you'll never be that person again. You'll never live that moment again.

It's gone.

I sucked in a sharp breathe. "Did the first shoot for an ice cream commercial. Success. Another one and then another one. Three shoots and people started liking me already. So much, that the people who'd been in the industry for long were afraid that I'd been succeeding way too fast." Those were one good memories because I had overcome my camera and stage fear. I had started talking to people. Adjusting to crowds and being friendly. A major personality development. "But fourth one was one hell of a devastating shoot. One for which I'd give away my life to go back and turn the time." I heard her inhaling sharply. I gripped her back pulling her closer. The shuddering feeling inside my heart soothed when she was this close to me. "I understand if you don't want to continue." Her voice was slow, soft and cautious as if she was trying not to break the corners of my heart. I realize I had drowned in my thoughts that I took quite too long of silence. Ignoring her words I continued.

"It was a couple shoot. I was taken at the last minute partly because of what a good impact I was and partly because the guy who was modelling before had affairs with his partner. Scandalous situation. He had been three years older than me in the industry. Held grudges against the newbie. Then planned with his girlfriend. The next day I knew I was charged for sexual harassment because of an incident that she had framed me for on the back stage the other day. I lost my everything. My reputation, my dreams, my confidence and my mother. She abandoned me after that. She didn't help me. She didn't believe me. I had to go though so much humiliation, wrong accusations, stupid media. So much so that for the next year I was afraid to even step out of my house. At that time my father believed me. He got me out of that nasty Shit but it had already ruined me enough. I had quit acting and it was easy for people to forget me in such a vast industry where I had worked for less than five months."

That scarred me for life. That one incident had molded my life into something so ugly. I lost the shine, the motivation to live, my goals and my dreams that pushed me to work for them. I had lost interest in living after that. The sexual harassment case on me was worst of all. I was a sensitive mindless teen. Sexual harassment was such a big scar over my entire future. 
I had been depressed. So much that I needed a therapist to come out of that state.

Therapist didn't help.

Y/n did. The day I walked into the college campus walking down the hallway crowded with students hanging my head low, from far I heard a laugh. The kind of laugh that was so pure, the one I didn't know existed. When I shot my head up to look at the owner of the cute laugh, my eyes shone. That one smile could light up thousands of dark rooms. The girl who stood in front of me was full of innocence and sweetness. Everything about her was so real. Nothing like I have seen people faking in their everyday life.

The moment that girl turned her head and made a very quick eye contact with me, passing a friendly smile I felt my heart hitting against my chest. That happened for the first time in a while. I heard my heart beating. Those hazel blue eyes were like a beautiful ocean. I would've drowned in them if that one eye contact was a second longer. 

In that moment I knew, she was the one. The one for whom I'll fight, the one for whom I'll give away my everything, the one for whom I was ready to burn the world down and the one whom I'll fall in love and never get hurt. In that moment, I knew everything that has ever happened in my life or was going to happen in future would be worth loving her. It would be worth meeting her.

"I swear. I never cheated on you. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for not fighting for you. I am sorry for not believing in our love. I am so—" Her mouth crashed on mine shutting my brain down. I wrapped my arms around her waist sucking her tongue, devouring her mouth, pulling her so close until I was everywhere. In her mind, in her arms, in her heart and in her soul.

"You apologize one more time and I'll pinch your nipple so hard that you'll insist on putting an armor." A half laugh, a half sob left my lips. I felt heavy weight being lifted off my chest. "Let me find those idiot couple and tear their heads off for putting you in such a—" I immediately laughed holding her closer to me. "I'm sure you will." Saracsm echoed in my tone. She scoffed pouting her lips. "You think I can't?" I swiped my hand across the back of her head resting it on her nape. A sly smirk tugged on the corner of my lips.

"Well if you could dare to claim to pinch my nipples then you—with no doubt—could tear their heads off too." Blush crept up her neck as she, for real, pinched my nipples.

I winced rubbing the pained area as my hold tightened around her waist as I turned her around on the bed.

"You really want to get spanked my me?" She gave me a mischievous smirk tracing her finger tips over my shoulder before tugging them on the hair on the base of my neck.

"Maybe."

And everything wasn't sorted out yet. There were so many complications left. But nothing mattered as long as we were together.

We could do it. We'll make it through because I love her so much.